Ladies, sons and bathrooms

[Tara1988]

We aren't talking about a 5 year old though, and you said until he's comfortable so I assume that a person with that attitude wouldn't care if he was 5, 8, 10 or even older.

Actually, yes. My post that you quoted, marked in bold, and responded to with me needing to find the appropriate bathroom for my son, was specifically about my 5 year old. At 10, I agree it would probably be inappropriate to be in the women's room, but he would probably be ready to use the men's restroom alone by then. But at 8, I don't think it is a big deal. Again, that is 3 years from now, so I have plenty time to reassess his abilities as my son ages. But as other posters have said, it's not a problem if he's in the stall with me, right?

 

[aaarcher86]

It does give me a bit of a giggle that kids who are learning multiplication and division mY not be able to go to the bathroom and sit on a bench when they're done.

Maybe pottying in public can be added to the third grade guarantee.

 

[J'aime Paris]

OP....
I have another suggestion for you. Have DS call you and your wife by your actual names. This is so useful at a crowded venue, even outside of the bathroom. You'll hear 10,000 "MOM!!!" coming from children.
Our DD used to think it was fun to call us by our real names while on vacation.

 

[kreckl]

As a person who works with young children, I can also add that it's not that uncommon for kids- yes even 8 year olds since that's what some people seem to be stuck on- to be a little unsettled in unfamiliar bathrooms. Maybe some of you should trust a little more that most parents make good choices for their kids and want to both encourage independence yet meet their needs. So many of these posts are just rude and not helpful to the OP who was asking for help. Let it go.

 

[BJ7644]

As a person who works with young children, I can also add that it's not that uncommon for kids- yes even 8 year olds since that's what some people seem to be stuck on- to be a little unsettled in unfamiliar bathrooms. Maybe some of you should trust a little more that most parents make good choices for their kids and want to both encourage independence yet meet their needs. So many of these posts are just rude and not helpful to the OP who was asking for help. Let it go.

It saddens me more to see someone that works with children have such a double standard.

Little girls do not matter less. They have needs too. Those needs are not secondary to a boys needs - although they obviously need to be fought for.

 

[DisneyOma]

We're not talking about making an 8 year old use the ladies room. We're talking about not making an 8 year old go into a crowded bathroom without adult supervision if that isn't something they can handle.

yes, we were talking about an 8 year old boy in the ladies' room, but nice deflection.

If they were comfortable going alone at 5 or 6 that is fine, but if they told you they were afraid to go alone, would you make them?

At 5 or 6? No, I'd have them come in with me, in the stall, too. At age 8, which most of this discussion has been about, we'd have dealt with the 'afraid' issue, and so it wouldn't be an issue.

 

[mjkacmom]

If they were comfortable going alone at 5 or 6 that is fine, but if they told you they were afraid to go alone, would you make them?

I guess they would have been discussing it with their therapist, but apparently I have been blessed with 5 emotionally and mentally healthy children, and it was never an issue. Dd15 still gets nervous in crowded cities, especially around the homeless, but she deals. I don't see her taking the bus to NYC with friends like her older siblings did at 16, but her fears don't impact others.

 

[Angel Ariel]

As a person who works with young children, I can also add that it's not that uncommon for kids- yes even 8 year olds since that's what some people seem to be stuck on- to be a little unsettled in unfamiliar bathrooms. Maybe some of you should trust a little more that most parents make good choices for their kids and want to both encourage independence yet meet their needs. So many of these posts are just rude and not helpful to the OP who was asking for help. Let it go.

Most here have not been suggesting to ignore a boy's need at all, and have suggested multiple options that could accommodate the boy's needs while not also infringing on the girls. But those were summarily dismissed multiple times by some (not all, and not the OP).

I would not push a child into a crowded unfamiliar bathroom alone if they weren't ready for that. I also, however, would not accommodate that child's needs by infringing on others. It might not be convenient, but IMO it's part of my job to both respect my child's needs as well as to demonstrate to my child the importance of respecting others' needs as well.

 

[Tara1988]

yes, we were talking about an 8 year old boy in the ladies' room, but nice deflection.



At 5 or 6? No, I'd have them come in with me, in the stall, too. At age 8, which most of this discussion has been about, we'd have dealt with the 'afraid' issue, and so it wouldn't be an issue.

Why are you quoting me without acknowledging what those particular posts were in response to? Please read what I said before saying I'm trying to say something else. Yes, the discussion is about an 8 year old boy in the ladies room. But if you read the post you quoted, I was referencing the difference in MAKING him use the ladies room when he is comfortable going alone. The quote about the 5 or 6 year old was in response to someone saying their child was comfortable going alone at that age, which all children aren't. Please read before quoting.

 

[Tara1988]

I guess they would have been discussing it with their therapist, but apparently I have been blessed with 5 emotionally and mentally healthy children, and it was never an issue. Dd15 still gets nervous in crowded cities, especially around the homeless, but she deals. I don't see her taking the bus to NYC with friends like her older siblings did at 16, but her fears don't impact others.

A 5 year old being uncomfortable going to a crowded unfamiliar bathroom alone is not a reason to send them to a therapist.

 

[mom2rtk]

If a mom is scared to have their 8 year old use the restroom alone, they usually have found a way to make their child fearful too.

 

[BJ7644]

I'm really kinda curious now - I've not been to Disney World yet, planning our first trip for this fall. Is the older boy in the bathroom a more common thing there?

I mean we go to a lot of busy family oriented places - nothing on the scale of WDW of course - but I personally can't think of a time seeing a boy older than 5/6. Maybe I never thought anything of it until our recent experience but if she wouldn't go then I doubt she'll be ok with older boys. It just wouldn't be feasible for us to wait if it's busy and more common there.

 

[mjkacmom]

A 5 year old being uncomfortable going to a crowded unfamiliar bathroom alone is not a reason to send them to a therapist.

5, no. 8? Kinda. Since your oldest is only 5, what makes you assume that he won't be normal? Are there any other developmental milestones he's not reaching?

 

[cruisingtwins]

I think people are confusing 8 with 18. An 8 year old is a little kid not an older boy.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think people are confusing 8 with 18. An 8 year old is a little kid not an older boy.

An 8 year old is not a little boy, an 18 year old is an adult. An 8 year old boy is almost halfway to adulthood. A 10 year old is a tween, a 13 year old is a teen, an 18 year old male is a man.

 

[Gracie09]

I think people are confusing 8 with 18. An 8 year old is a little kid not an older boy.

An 8 year old is in 3rd grade. Here they walk to school by themselves. They do homework by themselves. At school and on field trips they use the bathroom by themselves. They can "cook" simple meals by themselves (sandwiches, Ez Mac etc). They are considered tweens. Some have started puberty.

 

[aaarcher86]

I think people are confusing 8 with 18. An 8 year old is a little kid not an older boy.

Yes, because any age before 18 is appropriate in a ladies room :-/

 

[Angel Ariel]

I think people are confusing 8 with 18. An 8 year old is a little kid not an older boy.

I'd put the "boy" category as ages 3-10ish...at 10 it's more like preteen, then teen, then a man. So yeah, for me, an 8 year old is an older boy as he's closer to 10 than he is 3. I would not consider an 18 year old to be a boy any longer.

There is a whole lot of growth and development between ages 5 and 8. It might seem like it's not a very long time, but it really is to them. My nephew's are 3 years apart in age, and there is a world of difference that that 3 years makes in maturity and ability.

 

[aaarcher86]

An 8 year old is in 3rd grade. Here they walk to school by themselves. They do homework by themselves. At school and on field trips they use the bathroom by themselves. They can "cook" simple meals by themselves (sandwiches, Ez Mac etc). They are considered tweens. Some have started puberty.

Right?

Also, at 8 a kid should know their parents phone number. Point out the CMs each day so they know who to trust if they get lost.

 

[Hikergirl]

An 8 year old is in 3rd grade. Here they walk to school by themselves. They do homework by themselves. At school and on field trips they use the bathroom by themselves. They can "cook" simple meals by themselves (sandwiches, Ez Mac etc). They are considered tweens. Some have started puberty.

Some are even in 4th grade! Around here they ride their bikes and scooters around their neighborhoods, and even go to the local park to play. They play rec sports and manage to go use the restrooms at the parks/fields without having to go in with mommy.