DD's MIL just invited herself, the drama begins....

[happymommy]

I also wonder, who invites themselves on another's vacation?

I think your DD needs to speak up to her MIL. Just tell her no, they don't want another child along, end of story.

Disney is a VERY difficult place to go with a large group. Been there, done that, and never, ever doing it again! My folks invited themselves along for a couple days of our trip once (well, my DH encouraged it, the idiot). They hate crowds, hate Disney, hate everything. I couldn't wait for them to leave! Sorry, I digress......

This is a learning experience for your DD with her first trip with the new child. She needs to stand up to her MIL and say NO.

 

[GrnMtnMan]

as long as I get some time with My DGkids...

I don’t think you should go on this trip if the other grandparent is told she can’t. If there’s friction now, your DD rejecting her MIL’s request will only further stress the relationship. And if you get to go, but not her....well that’s just not fair.

 

[Hikergirl]

I don’t think you should go on this trip if the other grandparent is told she can’t. If there’s friction now, your DD rejecting her MIL’s request will only further stress the relationship. And if you get to go, but not her....well that’s just not fair.

What?! The trip is a planned trip including the OP, the MIL has no business inviting herself. If her not going is going to put friction on the relationship with the OP's dd, that is all the MIL's doing.

 

[GrnMtnMan]

a fall trip

I think they have time. It’s a fall trip. Plus, plans change.

the MIL has no business inviting herself.

The MIL is grandparent to two of the children, and the other grandparents are part of it, so it’s not exactly a nuclear family only trip. And her business asking to join the trip is probably because the DIL would never think to invite ‘her’.

If her not going is going to put friction on the relationship with the OP's dd, that is all the MIL's doing.

I disagree. And I don’t think that’s the point either. The DIL could be charitable and include the MIL, or she can ignore the fact that feelings are going to be hurt by excluding the other grandparent.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

They should plan a separate trip with MIL. If they’d like.

 

[My3SweetSuns]

Okay, I’ll be the odd man out here...
I love my MIL, so it makes it easy, but we ALWAYS invite both sets of grandparents to vacation to Disney with us. My oldest 3 kids are boys, I wanted them to see that they should stay close to their mom, so I mirrored that with my husband and his mom. I strongly encouraged him to stay close to her & thankfully, he has.

We absolutely LOVE Disney and our Disney trips...
If there was a little girl (or boy) who wouldn’t ever be able to go otherwise, I’d suck it up & do everything I could to make it magical for everybody.

I don’t see what the big deal would be with letting both other parties know what your plans are and if they can make that day’s itinerary, great & if they can’t or don’t want to, that’s okay, too. If someone tries to shove the little girl off on the Aunt & uncle, they can simply say they don’t feel comfortable with such a big responsibility.

 

[Jewel3k]

From the standpoint of who sits with who logistics.... If the three kids are under 7 they are going to need a third grown up for several of the rides. None of the children will be old enough to ride by themseleves this trip.

 

[Hikergirl]

I think they have time. It’s a fall trip. Plus, plans change. The MIL is grandparent to two of the children, and the other grandparents are part of it, so it’s not exactly a nuclear family only trip. And her business asking to join the trip is probably because the DIL would never think to invite ‘her’. I disagree. And I don’t think that’s the point either. The DIL could be charitable and include the MIL, or she can ignore the fact that feelings are going to be hurt by excluding the other grandparent.

The MIL is a grown woman if she want to go on a trip to WDW then she can plan her own trip and invite her ds, his wife and her grandkids.
Tagging along on another person's trip isn't the only option, and for most people not even a consideration.
You are putting everything on the DIL here- she could be charitable, she probably wouldn't ever invite the MIL, she's ignoring the MIL's feelings. None of that should fall at her feet, this all on the MIL- it is rude to invite yourself on to someone elses trip, and it is even more rude to manipulate and try to use guilt in order to get that person to include you.

I loved my MIL (she passed away) but she would not be going on a vacation I planned with my parents. We could plan another one with her, as it should be.

 

[mjkacmom]

The MIL is a grown woman if she want to go on a trip to WDW then she can plan her own trip and invite her ds, his wife and her grandkids.
Tagging along on another person's trip isn't the only option, and for most people not even a consideration.
You are putting everything on the DIL here- she could be charitable, she probably wouldn't ever invite the MIL, she's ignoring the MIL's feelings. None of that should fall at her feet, this all on the MIL- it is rude to invite yourself on to someone elses trip, and it is even more rude to manipulate and try to use guilt in order to get that person to include you.

I loved my MIL (she passed away) but she would not be going on a vacation I planned with my parents. We could plan another one with her, as it should be.

This is the second trip with one set of grandparents, who are only paying for themselves. It doesn’t seem fair to exclude MIL.

 

[Hikergirl]

This is the second trip with one set of grandparents, who are only paying for themselves. It doesn’t seem fair to exclude MIL.

We aren't talking about 5 year olds here.
There is nothing "not fair" about this situation.
Nothing is stopping the MIL from planning a trip and inviting her ds, DIL and grandkids along.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I will not vacation with my parents and in laws. It'll be two separate vacations. That's fair in my book.

And with my ex in laws....my mother would have NEVER agreed to a vacation with my ex MIL. So there goes that.

 

[happymommy]

I agree, although I'll never vacation with my inlaws or my mother, no way would I ever combine the two. It wouldn't work with us.

 

[paisleys]

I don’t mind vacationing with family but Disney is not the place i do that. Disney is too big and too complex a vacation for too many personalities mixing. This person wants to go this way, that person wants to go this way, thus person thinks we should all stick together, etc. I do family trips at the shore, beach, poconos or any chilled out vacation.

This. I feel for the OP's daughter that this has become a damper on something that should be something to look forward to. Disney is expensive and it's a shame this is an anvil over the daughter's head. Have been here and done this. My family even lives near WDW and we had to stop telling them when we were going because of all the drama and fighting to waiting in the room for them to be hours late ("You guys should go to Epcot while we watch the kids! Umm..Epcot closes in ten minutes but if you had been here at 5:00 PM like you insisted on instead of 8:50 PM we might have...)to their demands that we all meet off property at Olive Garden at a time that keeps getting pushed back by hours, killing the day. Disney is our happy place. All families are different and I'm sure some relatives are fun and great to bring along but we've had some terrible experiences and wasted precious time. OP's daughter is basing her worries on past experience and has a right to not want this on her trip. I hope her husband steps up.

 

[mjkacmom]

We aren't talking about 5 year olds here.
There is nothing "not fair" about this situation.
Nothing is stopping the MIL from planning a trip and inviting her ds, DIL and grandkids along.

Maybe she can’t afford to take them all to WDW.

 

[siestakeys04]

If dd hasn't talked to her husband about his mom going I think that is where she needs to start. If her husband wants his mom to go then she should be able to go. With the additional kid they should sit down and talk with everyone about who will be responsible for who and what does the mil expect them to do for the child.

I have a little while before I am in this type of situation but I would feel some type of way if my son and his wife invited her parents all the time for vacation to spend with grand kids and never invited me I would feel bad. That's the truth.

 

[heather913]

If dd hasn't talked to her husband about his mom going I think that is where she needs to start. If her husband wants his mom to go then she should be able to go. With the additional kid they should sit down and talk with everyone about who will be responsible for who and what does the mil expect them to do for the child.

I have a little while before I am in this type of situation but I would feel some type of way if my son and his wife invited her parents all the time for vacation to spend with grand kids and never invited me I would feel bad. That's the truth.

Why wouldn't you just ask if you all could plan a trip together?

My in-laws do this. We plan something & they try to invite themselves. We have told them before if they want to do something, ask us and we can plan together. It's rude to invite yourself on someone else's trip. Period.

 

[imbatman]

Ohh, I'm staying out of it... lol. ( my DD just vents to me ) MIL has 7 - 8 grandkids and takes them all camping in the summer, this is more about taking her other DGD on this trip with us....
Look, anyone is entitled to go anywhere they want. But they are not entitled to impose themselves on others... DD has no doubt, she would be taking care of this child all week....
Personally it won't have to much impact on DW & me... as long as I get some time with My DGkids...

Good luck, Pop. This is an upside-down, complicated situation. I have my own situation with my MIL (who I love!) that is pushing my buttons. I'm trying to have grace and just deal with it. I hope your DD and SIL are able to work it out soon.

 

[musika]

I actually don't think the biggest issue is with the MIL, I think it's with the fact there would be three kids. We joke in our house about the "Power of Three"... 2 kids get along great, 4 kids get along great, but 3 kids means someone is always left out and then the tears start. That would be my biggest fear, honestly.

 

[siestakeys04]

Why wouldn't you just ask if you all could plan a trip together?

My in-laws do this. We plan something & they try to invite themselves. We have told them before if they want to do something, ask us and we can plan together. It's rude to invite yourself on someone else's trip. Period.

For one I was giving my opinion of what I think she should do. Even if her husbands mom invited herself her son and his wife should discuss it then talk with the mil about it. Again just an opinion.

 

[MainMom]

If dd hasn't talked to her husband about his mom going I think that is where she needs to start. If her husband wants his mom to go then she should be able to go. With the additional kid they should sit down and talk with everyone about who will be responsible for who and what does the mil expect them to do for the child.

I have a little while before I am in this type of situation but I would feel some type of way if my son and his wife invited her parents all the time for vacation to spend with grand kids and never invited me I would feel bad. That's the truth.

Does this MIL even take vacations? My parents travel all of the time. We travel with my parents and have traveled with other family members of mine. My IL’s do not travel. They don’t even drive the 3 hours up to see us unless it’s a holiday and all of the family is getting together (and yes, they are in good health and could easily do it.) So no, I don’t Invite my IL’s on vacation.

Now, I have a son. I hope if he invites me on WDW trips with him and any future family he may have (paying my own way of course.) And I hope he invites his IL’s on beach trips because I don’t enjoy them. I would never invite myself on his trips , but I might mention traveling together sometime.