DD's MIL just invited herself, the drama begins....

[rdaky]

If your daughter doesn't want her to go, she needs to speak up and say something. We have been on several vacations with my in-laws and they have been everything from manageable (with loads of boundaries and pre-talks about expectations) to completely awful. The last time my mother in law tried to invite herself on one of our Disney trips, I told her no. Was she upset? Yes, and she played the "but I want to see the magic in my grandchildren's eyes" card. I still said no. Your daughter is an adult and she needs to learn to have boundaries. I try to not be a jerk to my MIL, but I also am not afraid to tell her no. Especially something like a vacation that is going to cost a lot of money and could be potentially ruined by differences in opinion and expectations.

 

[MakiraMarlena]

Isn't this up to your daughter, or, especially, her husband to handle if they don't want her mother-in-law or this other kid (niece?) on their trip?

 

[andersonsc]

Another way to handle it would be to talk to girl's parents. The daughter and son in law could talk to girl's parents and make sure they know they will not be "babysitting" the girl on their vacation. They could mention that they are concerned about grandmas ability to keep up with active girl at Disney and if grandma has to go rest, so will their daughter. Might help them to see that their daughter may not have such a great time if she's not going to be with her cousins the whole time. Girl's parents need to be told that girl is grandmas responsibility, not the other parents who have own kids to deal with.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

Every trip I’ve ever taken to Disney (except for my latest one) was with my parents, and it’s so great to have them there with us. Only once did my MIL ask to come with us, but her request was that my parents not go, as she wanted to be the only grandparent there. I made sure my DH told her no, and she hasn’t asked since.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Who invites themselves on someone else's vacation???? My mother would never.

 

[NJlauren]

I’m torn on this one. When we took DD for her first trip we invited both sides of the family, my dad, sister her boyfriend and my inlaws came. My sister in law and her family did not.

I am happy we have these memories and DD loves looking at the book I made. But I’m not sure I would do it again. To many personalities it’s hard on everyone.

If you DD isn’t comfortable she needs to talk to her husband and then he needs to or them together need to have a talk with her MIL. If I were you I would stay out of it. I agree it’s a hard situation and if I was your DD I wouldn’t be happy either.

But I am assuming this added child is your grandchildren’s cousin, so it could be a really fun memory for them.

 

[andersonsc]

Every trip I’ve ever taken to Disney (except for my latest one) was with my parents, and it’s so great to have them there with us. Only once did my MIL ask to come with us, but her request was that my parents not go, as she wanted to be the only grandparent there. I made sure my DH told her no, and she hasn’t asked since.

Wow- I hope there's some back story and your mother on law is a horrible person. If not, your response must have been very hurtful. Usually daughters are closer to their parents after marriage as seems in your case too. It's may be hard for the other grandparents to see this. If u go so often that it's not a once in a lifetime trip or rare trip, I'd try to include her in some way.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Wow- I hope there's some back story and your mother on law is a horrible person. If not, your response must have been very hurtful. Usually daughters are closer to their parents after marriage as seems in your case too. It's may be hard for the other grandparents to see this. If u go so often that it's not a once in a lifetime trip or rare trip, I'd try to include her in some way.

Her MIL requested to be the only grandparent there which means she would’ve had to uninvite her own parents. I would’ve told her no too. You can’t make those kind of demands.

 

[Cindyd04]

Boundaries and expectations need to be managed here. DD should not be footing the bill for MIL and Niece, nor should she have to take on the added stress of taking care of another child (which is exactly what will happen). DD needs to talk to her husband to ensure that he speaks with his Mother. If he isn't clear with her than DD needs to be otherwise MIL will learn that she can continue to do this in the future and walk all over them. It amazes me how people impose themselves on others without thinking.

 

[andersonsc]

Her MIL requested to be the only grandparent there which means she would’ve had to uninvite her own parents. I would’ve told her no too. You can’t make those kind of demands.

From prior posts it seems she goes often with her parents. While it was rude of other grandma to ask to not go with other grandparents , I can imagine why she would want some alone time. I'm always interested in family dynamics and I'm sure there must be more story here to flat out refuse a trip with the grandma.

We have only sons so I can see where, in the future, perhaps our sons will be doing more with in laws and not us. Makes me sad but also makes me determined to be an agreeable, non selfish parent/grandparent so we continue to have good relationships.

Just seeing it from other grandmas point of view, obviously not knowing back story. Can see her watching all these trips with other grandparents and she just wanted one trip without the competition as I would suspect grandkids are more comfortable with the grandparents they already travel with.

When we had our first three sons we lived by one set of grandparents. When the other set came to visit, the ones that lived close made sure to give the out of town grandparents as much time with the babies. They didn't "hog" the babies and when kids were older always incouraged the kids to play with out of town grandparents at big family gatherings. I was always empressed by that.

 

[KrazeeK120]

From prior posts it seems she goes often with her parents. While it was rude of other grandma to ask to not go with other grandparents , I can imagine why she would want some alone time. I'm always interested in family dynamics and I'm sure there must be more story here to flat out refuse a trip with the grandma.

We have only sons so I can see where, in the future, perhaps our sons will be doing more with in laws and not us. Makes me sad but also makes me determined to be an agreeable, non selfish parent/grandparent so we continue to have good relationships.

Just seeing it from other grandmas point of view, obviously not knowing back story. Can see her watching all these trips with other grandparents and she just wanted one trip without the competition as I would suspect grandkids are more comfortable with the grandparents they already travel with.

When we had our first three sons we lived by one set of grandparents. When the other set came to visit, the ones that lived close made sure to give the out of town grandparents as much time with the babies. They didn't "hog" the babies and when kids were older always incouraged the kids to play with out of town grandparents at big family gatherings. I was always empressed by that.

In that situation, instead of MIL requesting for her to uninvite her own parents, she should have spoken with them about scheduling a separate trip, or requesting that they speak with her about being included on the next trip. It was the way she approached the situation that was inappropriate.

I can appreciate where you are coming from as I do not have a daughter either. I think there are too many mothers of sons who treat their DIL’s like they’re taking their son’s away rather than welcoming them into the family. I’m determined NOT to be that MIL, should my son have a wife someday.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

The reason why I always travel with my parents, besides the fact that I’m very close to them, is that they are DVC members and they rent large villas with their points for us all to stay in, and DH and I pay the cash difference for whatever the points don’t cover, which luckily is usually minimal. So when my MIL asked us not to go with my parents, we would’ve had to scramble to find somewhere to stay, because we already had BWV booked. My parents offered to have her stay in the villa with us, for free, she said no. There was really nothing more I could go to satisfy her, but we were very careful to word everything in a way to avoid being hurtful.

Wow- I hope there's some back story and your mother on law is a horrible person. If not, your response must have been very hurtful. Usually daughters are closer to their parents after marriage as seems in your case too. It's may be hard for the other grandparents to see this. If u go so often that it's not a once in a lifetime trip or rare trip, I'd try to include her in some way.

 

[KenHutch]

I would stay out of this as much as possible and let your daughter make the call. If its any consolation to you for me to get permission to take my daughter and god daughter (her half sister) I not only have to bring along but I have to pay for their mother, the stepfather and a pair of great aunt/uncles. What we do to avoid family drama sigh.

 

[disneydreamer1980]

I would stay out of this as much as possible and let your daughter make the call. If its any consolation to you for me to get permission to take my daughter and god daughter (her half sister) I not only have to bring along but I have to pay for their mother, the stepfather and a pair of great aunt/uncles. What we do to avoid family drama sigh.

you must be like the nicest person in the world to take them

 

[MakiraMarlena]

if the prior poster's mother in law was putting conditions on the trip, like she had to disinvite her own parents, then I get why she told her "no." if MIL is not paying their way, she doesn't get to dictate who does or doesn't go (and actually it's PP's parents who were providing the accommodations). If she just wanted to come along, why not.

 

[GrnMtnMan]

this child

Is 'this child' your daughter's niece? AKA your grandchildren's cousin? Or am I misunderstanding the relations?

 

[dosekies]

No way would I be ok with this. My future MIL is the kind of person who feels 'left out' if not included in EVERYTHING and I am not about that life. Luckily, my fiancé feels the same way most of the time. If she tried to invite herself and another future grandchild I would nix that idea right away. If she really wants to go and bring another child, then a separate trip can be planned for that, but don't try to make your way into my already planned trip!

 

[rlk]

I don't know the family dynamics, but I can understand your daughter's MIL wanting to go to Disney with all her grandchildren. That includes your daughter's two children and her other 5 year old grandchild.

 

[heather913]

I think it is SO rude to invite yourself on someone else's vacation. My MIL tried to do the same thing last year for our Disney trip. We had a trip planned with my dad as a thank you for him letting us live with him and my mom (who won't travel) when my husband got out of the military while we got on our feet. I would never dream to ask someone who already has a trip planned if I could join them. If she wants to go on a trip with them, she should request they plan a separate trip.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I don’t mind vacationing with family but Disney is not the place i do that. Disney is too big and too complex a vacation for too many personalities mixing. This person wants to go this way, that person wants to go this way, thus person thinks we should all stick together, etc. I do family trips at the shore, beach, poconos or any chilled out vacation.