Do You Consider Yourself a Feminist?

[LSUmiss]

Don't go trying to find logic. There is none. For me, it's simple. I TRUST women to make the right decision. Their body. Their choice. Not for me to dictate. It's a heartbreaking choice for lots of women. Not something they take lightly. And, I'd never presume to understand their circumstances better than they to say "this is what you must do."

Fortunately, I have never personally had to make the choice, and I'm honestly not certain what I would do. My one and only pregnancy was very much wanted and planned. I hope the same for my daughter. But, I'd 100% support any decision she'd make if she found herself with an unplanned pregnancy.

And this is not just about ppl with unplanned pregnancies. Many of these laws make it so the imminent health of the mother is the only exception. The consequences are so high for physicians in most of these states that you will likely have physicians who will be more hesitant to make that call. The poor already disproportionately die or have serious complications after giving birth & this will increase that. And, many of these laws won’t allow for termination of fetuses that don’t/won’t have viability. In Louisiana, they’re trying to pass the heartbeat bill to ban all abortions after a heartbeat is detected. Since that is so early in a pregnancy, if there any issues that will cause the fetus to die or allow the baby to be born & die shortly after birth, the mother would be forced to carry these pregnancies to term (whatever that is for the specific case) knowing it’s not viable & that the the baby will die right after it’s born or knowing she’ll have to deliver a dead baby. I am so glad we decided that we are done having kids b/c as an older woman, the chances of those complications goes us up, and now I would be faced with that added stress. My sister has been struggling with IVF for years, but if she does get pregnant, with her age also, she has an increased chance of things like this happening. So, now, she will have to deal with this added stress. Like most things, the issue is far more complicated than just “protecting the unborn”. As such, ppl & the government need to mind their business & let these decisions be personal, private decisions between the patient & dr.

 

[LSUmiss]

My understanding with all this, is that these states are trying to get to the Supreme Court. I can only hope these laws get declared unconstitutional...AGAIN. Justices don’t always rule the way ppl expect them to. And, I’m pretty sure a lower court can declare these laws unconstitutional & the Supreme Court can refuse to take the case & cite that it’s already been established as law.

 

[SaintsManiac]

In my case, I didn't report it either.

The police didn't believe me when they came two months earlier, because he knew how hard he had could hit and not leave a bruise. Any of the times they came. WE were told to stop fighting so loud, we were disturbing the neighbors and would get a ticket if we kept it up.

They didn't believe me the year before when he kicked my knees, dislocating my kneecap and tearing tendons..after all, I just had a bad fall down the stairs at the the apartment building, didn't I? Or the time that he pinned me in the chair and force fed me mushrooms until I vomited because "they are good and you WILL eat them" (I had politely declined to eat the spaghetti sauce at dinner at his mothers house because she made it with those vile things; I ate every thing else, including the pasta without sauce, but that was apparently offensive to her)...I guess I had the flu, from what the police put in the report.

Or the time that he put a knife under my chin and I just looked at him and said "if you are going to kill me, just do it already" because I was tired of it all. The scar there still hurts some days. I had a 'kitchen accident'.

His mama, the day I came out of the bedroom (we were living in at her home) holding my stomach and crying, asked "well why is SHE crying now". He said "I punched the b**** because she wouldn't (not dis friendly act); she responded "good, she deserved it". Yes, I refused my spouse his 'God given rights'; my daughter was in her crib at the end of the bed screaming and needed caring for, and I was apparently in the wrong for choosing to care for her needs instead of his.

The one time I did get the police to believe me (because the neighbors did call the cops every time, thank you to those strangers)...and they only believed me because he was in such a rage that he forgot to close the blinds and the cops could see through the sliding glass door as he wrapped his hands around my throat, his mama went to court and told the judge there was no way her son would behave that way. Of course, the judge listened to that upright member of the community; after all a secretary at the FBI is much more reliable a witness than a cashier at McDonald's, even if she hadn't even been in the state at the time of the attack. He didn't even get a slap on the wrist; I got a verbal beatdown by the judge in the courtroom for lying about such 'a nice boy'. That night was particularly tough; I had to call out of work for a couple of days after because he lost control and left some bruises on my face.

Hmm, I wonder why I didn't report my rape by my still-then husband. If I couldn't get them to believe the abuse, what on earth would they have said if I reported him breaking in and raping me? I would have been laughed out of the station.

I am so very sorry. I have no words.

 

[Floridaman999]

My understanding with all this, is that these states are trying to get to the Supreme Court. I can only hope these laws get declared unconstitutional...AGAIN. Justices don’t always rule the way ppl expect them to. And, I’m pretty sure a lower court can declare these laws unconstitutional & the Supreme Court can refuse to take the case & cite that it’s already been established as law.

The problem for me is just how long it might take for this to all happen. Lots of lives will be forever changed in the meantime.

 

[LSUmiss]

I have a very good friend that lived through a terrifying pregnancy.

She was told that she could very well die and the baby would die at worst and at best be severely handicapped. She was told she should abort but she refused. She was hospitalized and it was again stressed to her that both she and her child would likely die. On the 24 and 25 of December she went home from the hospital to spend what she honestly believed would be her last Christmas with her older child. She went back to the hospital after Christmas and in a month or so delivered the child. The baby lived and is now a happy 5 year old. She also lived and is graduating from nursing school in a couple of months. So, tell me, should she have listened and gotten that abortion and killed that child who is now as healthy and as normal as can be?

We can go back and forth all day long with stories of children who should have been aborted , weren't and are normal. Or stores of pregnancies gone wrong so abortion seems necessary. But there is more to the debate than these stories.

https://abort73.com/abortion_facts/us_abortion_statistics/ This site has a table showing reasons for abortions. 3% are for POSSIBLE situations like you describe. Less than .5% are the rape victims that everyone goes on and on about. From another site, 92% are just unwanted pregnancies.

The larger percentages? Not ready for a baby, can't afford a baby and finished having children. Why does one take birth control? Hmmmm--same exact three answers. Coincidence?

I believe that the baby has rights. I do now, I will tomorrow and I will next week. Period.

Ok fine. Then these laws should have exceptions for these situations, but they don’t & that’s disgusting. And I’m sorry, I’m not going to risk my life to save an unborn child who will likely die & abandon my current living child. Glad it worked out for her, but I don’t think most ppl would be willing to take that gamble & they shouldn’t have to.

 

[mnrose]

A box of tampons would be .49 tax. Sure it would be better to be 0 but still not enough to be up in arms about.

Birth control should be covered, I agree. Dd pays $0 for her birth control. Completely covered by insurance. She has never had to pay for it and has been covered under 3 different plans since she has been on them.

"Free" birth control is part of the ACA. Isn't that wonderful? Without the ACA, it was not "free"...it was whatever your insurance required you to pay. Of course, there are exceptions built in TODAY so that places like Hobby Lobby don't have to give this benefit to their employees. Don't get me started.

Short answer: birth control is not free for everyone, and is hanging by a tenuous thread. It's great that you support this. But, until we have a Congress which does, it's nothing but words.

 

[MrsPete]

I don’t think a boy/man should be able to just walk away. I do believe that all should be held responsible for any child they help make. It’s shocking how many grown women refuse to hold the father of their children responsible for the support of the children.

Well, the father can't "just walk away" ... unless the mother of the child allows it to happen. The state will pursue him. She doesn't have to have contact with him. If he's allowed to walk away, it's the fault of the mother.

The "babies" have no voice because they are not yet a baby. They are not viable on their own, and their "rights" dont outweigh that of their "host"

Disagree.

I can only speak to engineering in the Oil and Gas industry and Petroleum Engineering in particular. If anything starting female petroleum engineers enjoy a starting premium at this time in oil and gas corporations because there are so few of them. To add independent support to this-all the oil companies subscribe to the equal pay act of 1963 and if they were to offer lower starting salaries to female engineers they would be sued in a heartbeat under the Equal Pay Act.

My husband recently retired from the field of Nuclear Engineering, and he says a female engineer can "write her own ticket". By that, he means female engineers are so few in number that they'll be offered jobs everywhere /with salaries at least as good as those of their male counterparts.

This women-make-less argument is skewed. If you go to any college graduation you're going to see mostly males in the engineering group and mostly women among the education and social work grads. No one forces anyone to enter these fields, but -- by and large -- this is the way it shakes out.

Girls are actively being pushed /encouraged towards STEM fields in school, but a part of this is Biology /personality traits.

I thought everyone picked out the rings together so this is new to me. I wouldn’t think of buying without my wife’s input since she has to wear it. I also helped her pick mine because I would be wearing it and I just wanted a thin simple ring.

My husband picked out my ring with no input from me. It's exactly what I would've chosen, if I'd been involved. Ditto for the 10-year anniversary band that matches it.

But she has the option to have an abortion if she doesn’t want the financial burden of a child. Where is his choice?

He has the option to avoid sex or to wear a condom, if he's unwilling to face the burden of supporting a child.

ONE box is not something I would go up in arms over but when you compound that with a lifetime's worth ...

I said yesterday, I no longer use these products, but -- when I did -- I used non-disposables. So much better in every way, including financial savings.

And the mother should not have the right to put the baby up for adoption without the father's agreement if she doesn't want to raise the child herself the father should be the default carer, not adoption.

A mother cannot put a baby up for adoption without the father's consent ... unless she has claimed she doesn't know the father's name. If she's put no father's name on the birth certificate and a man thinks he's the father, he can demand a DNA test /can block the adoption until that test is done.

Something that's terribly unfair: If a woman is married, her husband will be the legal father of her child ... even if he isn't the biological father. Happened to a cousin of mine. A cousin who makes bad choices. He was living with a woman who was still married (couldn't afford the divorce, but can afford cigarettes), and they had a baby. Her long-ago /still legally the husband's name is on the child's birth certificate. The whole group should be ashamed of themselves.

 

[LSUmiss]

The problem for me is just how long it might take for this to all happen. Lots of lives will be forever changed in the meantime.

In most states, they will be declared unconstitutional almost immediately & will not go into effect (I think). In Louisiana, the bill is written so that it won’t go into effect unless the one in Mississippi that was put in place first is upheld.

 

[Floridaman999]

In most states, they will be declared unconstitutional almost immediately & will not go into effect (I think). In Louisiana, the bill is written so that it won’t go into effect unless the one in Mississippi that was put in place first is upheld.

I certainly hope it plays out that quick and this stupidity is put out of its misery.

 

[LSUmiss]

Well, the father can't "just walk away" ... unless the mother of the child allows it to happen. The state will pursue him. She doesn't have to have contact with him. If he's allowed to walk away, it's the fault of the mother.
Disagree.
My husband recently retired from the field of Nuclear Engineering, and he says a female engineer can "write her own ticket". By that, he means female engineers are so few in number that they'll be offered jobs everywhere /with salaries at least as good as those of their male counterparts.

This women-make-less argument is skewed. If you go to any college graduation you're going to see mostly males in the engineering group and mostly women among the education and social work grads. No one forces anyone to enter these fields, but -- by and large -- this is the way it shakes out.

Girls are actively being pushed /encouraged towards STEM fields in school, but a part of this is Biology /personality traits.
My husband picked out my ring with no input from me. It's exactly what I would've chosen, if I'd been involved. Ditto for the 10-year anniversary band that matches it.
He has the option to avoid sex or to wear a condom, if he's unwilling to face the burden of supporting a child.
I said yesterday, I no longer use these products, but -- when I did -- I used non-disposables. So much better in every way, including financial savings.
A mother cannot put a baby up for adoption without the father's consent ... unless she has claimed she doesn't know the father's name. If she's put no father's name on the birth certificate and a man thinks he's the father, he can demand a DNA test /can block the adoption until that test is done.

No, the evidence is that in many instances women make 20% in the SAME field.

 

[PaulaSB12]

Well, the father can't "just walk away" ... unless the mother of the child allows it to happen. The state will pursue him. She doesn't have to have contact with him. If he's allowed to walk away, it's the fault of the mother.
Disagree.
My husband recently retired from the field of Nuclear Engineering, and he says a female engineer can "write her own ticket". By that, he means female engineers are so few in number that they'll be offered jobs everywhere /with salaries at least as good as those of their male counterparts.

This women-make-less argument is skewed. If you go to any college graduation you're going to see mostly males in the engineering group and mostly women among the education and social work grads. No one forces anyone to enter these fields, but -- by and large -- this is the way it shakes out. Girls are actively being pushed /encouraged towards STEM fields, but a part of this is Biology /personality traits.
My husband picked out my ring with no input from me. It's exactly what I would've chosen, if I'd been involved. Ditto for the 10-year anniversary band that matches it.
He has the option to avoid sex or to wear a condom, if he's unwilling to face the burden of supporting a child.
I said yesterday, I no longer use these products, but -- when I did -- I used non-disposables. So much better in every way, including financial savings.
A mother cannot put a baby up for adoption without the father's consent ... unless she has claimed she doesn't know the father's name. If the father wants to take the child, he can demand a paternity test /delay the adoption until that test is done.

Oh come of it it took 8 years for Rob Manzanares to get legal custody of his child, most men who try and fight the adoption fail Terry Achane had to fight three years to get his daughter back all while being called a sperm donor and selfish. go to facebook and look at the cases of fathers fighting and losing cases were are fighting for their children.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

When it comes to reproduction, being a woman sucks. Having to deal with periods, cramps, PMS, the cost and inconvenience of feminine hygiene products, birth control, Pap smears.... The woman is the sole one who must carry a pregnancy and take on 100% of those ugly symptoms and side effects. She has to labor and deliver the baby, then deal with recovery and hormones and possibly postpartum depression/anxiety, while doing 100% of the breastfeeding, of course. And she’ll do it over and over again — periods to pregnancy back to periods and again pregnancy— however many times until she finally hits menopause and then has to deal with that crap, too. The majority of her life will be beholden to her reproductive organs.

A man will never have to do any of this. He will never deal with the recurring annoyance and pain of a menstrual cycle. He will never have his body put through the immense physical strain of pregnancy. He will never have his health risked by gestational diabetes or preeclampsia. He will never endure the excruciating pain of labor and delivery. He will never die in childbirth.

Really not fair, is it? But, thanks to biology, it’s just the way it is.

So when I hear people argue on behalf of the poor, heartbroken man who wants to keep a baby but can’t stop a woman from aborting, well, I feel sorry for him, actually. I do think it’s sad that it can’t always be an equal decision, but almost everything is unfair when it comes to reproduction and this is just one of the few ways it’s unfair to the man instead of the woman for a change. Blame it on biology.

 

[MrsPete]

No, the evidence is that in many instances women make 20% in the SAME field.

I know of what you speak, but when you look beyond the numbers, the data isn't as damning as it appears on the surface -- I've read them -- but it's not what I've seen in teaching, and it's not what my husband has seen in engineering. You must also factor in that women tend to work fewer years over their lives /tend to take off more time to care for children or other family members. Women tend to divide their lives between family and work -- and, by and large, aren't as willing to pay the costs associated with pushing to the very top.

Need a couple sources?
https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-is-on-the-iron-throne-and-american-democracy-is-dead?ref=scroll
https://www.wired.com/story/men-google-paid-less-than-women-not-really/
https://qz.com/work/1576266/why-is-there-a-gender-pay-gap/

Personally, I think women have better options than men these days. If we want to push ourselves in the corporate world, as men have for years, we can. If we don't want to do that, it's completely acceptable to stay home with children. At home and at work, women have more choices than men.

Oh come of it it took 8 years for Rob Manzanares to get legal custody of his child, most men who try and fight the adoption fail Terry Achane had to fight three years to get his daughter back all while being called a sperm donor and selfish. go to facebook and look at the cases of fathers fighting and losing cases were are fighting for their children.

I don't know about this situation and am not interested enough to look it up. If a woman wants to keep a child, I agree that the father will have a hard time winning against her ... but a biological father who wants to block adoption of his child definitely has the law on his side.

 

[quandrea]

Doesn't that make you pro-choice then?

I think I can PERSONALLY be pro life, but yes, I am ultimately pro-choice in that I think my pro-life opinion ends with my own personal decisions. I have no right to impose my beliefs on others and firmly support legal, open access to safe abortion.

Our former prime minister, Pierre Trudeau famously said,
‘There’s no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation’

Amen to that.

 

[SantaDuffy]

Oh come of it it took 8 years for Rob Manzanares to get legal custody of his child, most men who try and fight the adoption fail Terry Achane had to fight three years to get his daughter back all while being called a sperm donor and selfish. go to facebook and look at the cases of fathers fighting and losing cases were are fighting for their children.

You have some weird adoption obsession don’t you

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Oh come of it it took 8 years for Rob Manzanares to get legal custody of his child, most men who try and fight the adoption fail Terry Achane had to fight three years to get his daughter back all while being called a sperm donor and selfish. go to facebook and look at the cases of fathers fighting and losing cases were are fighting for their children.

And then you have cases such as mine, where the man I call my father, got full custody of me when he and my mother divorced... Here’s the kicker...He wasn’t even my biological father. It happens just as much as the cases you always site here. Just like with anything else, positive stories don’t garner the same attention

 

[kaytieeldr]

My understanding with all this, is that these states are trying to get to the Supreme Court.

Unfortunately, I believe the intent of getting to the Supreme Court is to have Roe v. Wade overturned.

 

[luvsJack]

You have been treating men like victims this entire thread. They are completely in charge of where their semen goes. Its really that simple.

No I don’t think they are victims but I also don’t think all women are victims. (For the ones on this thread that were victims, I am sorry and I do not mean you at all).

For a normal hook up, relationship, marriage, whatever—so does she. By saying “he has control” and acting like she doesn’t you are making women victims of their sexual partner.

 

[LSUmiss]

Unfortunately, I believe the intent of getting to the Supreme Court is to have Roe v. Wade overturned.

No I understand, but I’m saying I hope that is unsuccessful & we can stop all this nonsense.

 

[kaytieeldr]

You must also factor in that women tend to work fewer years over their lives /tend to take off more time to care for children or other family members. Women tend to divide their lives between family and work

Why, though? Except for actually giving birth and recovery, men can take time off to care for children or other family members. Men can divide their lives between family and work.