HELP!!! MIL wants to take my DC's to WDW alone!!!!

[guelde96]

When this thing first started, my MIL (who is organizing the trip, but only paying for immediately family) said that I should invite my parents. Naturally, my sister, DBil, and niece wanted to do Disney with us, too. We haven't made reservations yet b/c nobody can agree on a date/time/month in 2008. MIL calls DH at work and states that she thinks just the immediate family should go. Now she wants me to uninvite my parents and sister, Bil, and niece. She says that now its getting too complicated, we can't agree on a place to stay or when we are going, so we should just go with Mil and Fil.

Since, MIL is paying for us, I can see her point, but I don't know how to "uninvite" my parents and sister etc.... I don't anyone's feelings to be hurt, but I have a feeling this will turn into something big. What do I do?

Your MIL wants it just to be "immediate family" by this she obviosly means HER immediate family. Since your parents, sister, bil and niece are your immediate family. What a control freak!!!

I would cancel the trip with MIL & FIL before I would uninvite my family.

 

[dcforbreakfast]

I have to agree... I had a controlling MIL... but never gave in... anyway getting a divorce because of medling in-laws... so, at least got rid of them for good and I'm planning wonderful trips with my kids... and don't have to hear their comments on the matter.... I'M FREE ha! But don't let you MIL control your life!!

Chevy...unfortunately divorce or not you'll still have to deal with them from time to time....can't keep kids away from their grandparents. But at least you'll have more say!

 

[da-winnie-pooh]

Here's a thought. I haven't read all of the posts, so this probably isn't an option, BUT - could you go with your parents in May? Even for a long week-end? That would sure make mil mad and you could just say, "Well, since you didn't want them going when we did, I uninvited them and they invited us to go in May. This works out for everyone." And, your dd's first Disney trip would be enjoyed by you and your family.

I know that's probably not an option, it just sounds like a fun thing to do. Don't mind me, I'm just in one of my anti-MIL moods. Happens a lot.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Here's a thought. I haven't read all of the posts, so this probably isn't an option, BUT - could you go with your parents in May? Even for a long week-end? That would sure make mil mad and you could just say, "Well, since you didn't want them going when we did, I uninvited them and they invited us to go in May. This works out for everyone." And, your dd's first Disney trip would be enjoyed by you and your family.

I know that's probably not an option, it just sounds like a fun thing to do. Don't mind me, I'm just in one of my anti-MIL moods. Happens a lot.

Actually, this is exactly my Mom's thought. I told her how DMil had already made ressies for August...My Mom is steaming. She goes...I guess we'll have to go in May, then.... ACK!!!!!

 

[tlbwriter]

Your mom is right to be mad. Your MIL was incredibly rude. And frankly, I think it's rude of you to go along.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'd suggest a trip with all of you before they turn five. And put your foot down. If they don't want to go, they don't have to.

 

[bethbuchall]

Actually, this is exactly my Mom's thought. I told her how DMil had already made ressies for August...My Mom is steaming. She goes...I guess we'll have to go in May, then.... ACK!!!!!

I think that is a great thought! I am sorry that you are caught in the middle on this, but I do think that your parents should be able to be there. If MIL wants them uninvited, then she needs to deal with the fact that they are planning an earlier trip.

 

[mumom95]

I love the idea of you and your family going in May. And your MIL really would have no reason to get upset, she is still getting to go in August. You really should consider this, even if it is only a short trip. Think about how much fun you would have with your family, and your kids first trip will a lot less stressful (I still worry that once you get to Disney with your MIL it is going to be all about what she wants). But if you decide to go, I wouldn't tell your MIL until close to May.

 

[happy_redhead]

But if you decide to go, I wouldn't tell your MIL until close to May.

I'd call her from Disneyworld!

 

[flipflop]

I'd call her from Disneyworld!

Me too!

Did you uninivite your family or just call to discuss with your mom?

I think the trip with your own family in May sounds great. That's what MIL gets for being inflexible and rude.

 

[Nanisashi]

Well I think your mom deserves a "You go girl!". I think her idea is great, do you think your DH will go for it?

 

[guelde96]

I know how hard it is for us DIL to get our husbands to stand up to their mothers. Would your husband even consider going against his mother this way?

It is hard when you have a controlling MIL

Lots of luck

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Me too!

Did you uninivite your family or just call to discuss with your mom?

I think the trip with your own family in May sounds great. That's what MIL gets for being inflexible and rude.

I didn't "uninvite" my Mom..I simply told her that MIL had gone ahead and booked the GF rooms for us in August. My Mom (for the same reasoning as most people) refuses to go to WDW in August. Period.

DH thinks we should take advantage of the free vacay no matter WHEN we go. He also thinks that since MIL is paying, we have no say.... ARGH!

 

[Familyof6]

I haven't read all the posts in this thread, just the first page and the last few pages, BUT what I've noticed is that there is a tug-o-war about whether to go in May or Aug...
Is your oldest dd in school yet? How much school would she really miss in May? We have visited WDW 3 times with our kids since 2002. Our first trip was in May...our second was Apr/May and our third was last week! IT WAS SO HOT last week! The lines weren't terrible BUT they were a LOT longer than our other two previous trips!!! Why would anyone choose to wait longer in HOTTER lines?
It seems like your MIL is doing such a nice thing...in a twisted way. Does she really have a reason for choosing AUGUST??? I could see if you had older kids who had to worry about missing classes late in the year and keeping their grades up...but you DON'T!!! There are so many families with school aged children who go in August because they can't go at any other time. You have the luxury to choose to go when other children are in school!! Take that opportunity while you have that option!
I didn't really read about the resort conflict. I really have never stay at the Poly and would like to sometime. I can see why you'd want to. BUT with that said, we stayed at GF our first trip. (long story) I was very concerned about having small children at that 'fancy' resort. I just didn't think it would be right for them. I was WRONG! It was excellent. I think you'll be very happy if you allow MIL this option...BUT MAKE HER CHANGE TO MAY!!!!!

Just my .02

Familyof6

 

[flipflop]

I didn't "uninvite" my Mom..I simply told her that MIL had gone ahead and booked the GF rooms for us in August. My Mom (for the same reasoning as most people) refuses to go to WDW in August. Period.

DH thinks we should take advantage of the free vacay no matter WHEN we go. He also thinks that since MIL is paying, we have no say.... ARGH!

One thing about "posting" that I find problematic is you often don't know the tone someone is using while posting - so if I am off base with the following response, I apologize in advance. It seemed to me in the above post that you are sort of making your mom out to be the bad guy here. "refuses to go to WDW in August. Period." I'm hoping that's not the case. Two sides of a family are planning a trip to WDW - and that means that MIL doesn't get to dictate when you go. Not fair to invite people and express that everyone gets to have in-put and then let one person run the show. A huge group trip like that is about compromise and not dictating. Everyone needs to give up something and MIL is not giving up ANYTHING (except cash).

As has been mentioned many times previously during the life-span of this thread, by allowing your MIL to pay you have given her power. In that sense, your DH is quite on target. When you allow someone to pay, the "this is when we are going - you can come or not" approach (which is the approach we prefer) doesn't work. However, DH needs to be reminded that your family has now been included in the plan to go to WDW and that it isn't a MIL only show. It would be rude and inconsiderate to just dump your side of the family. He is as much a part of your family as you are of his (for better or worse ) so he also needs to be considerate of their feelings.

One option is to take the free vacation and plan a separate paid vacation with your family for May. You will be out no more money than if you had declined MIL's offer in the first place. Another option, and the one we would like choose, is to stand up to MIL and tell her you will not go in August - it is too hot for your kids and your family can't make it at that time -you will not uninivite your family b/c they are just as important to you as DH's family. It would be important to me for MIL to know that my family's feelings are just as important as her feelings. If MIL refused to budge, we wouldn't go. My Dh and I are very much on the same page about this sort of thing. We've been dealing with it quite a bit since our triplets were born - everything from guardianship to vacations.

 

[Chrissie-riel]

Hi Momneedsvacay! I was the one who originally suggested going on Mother's Day weekend. After reading all of the recent posts, I wanted to re-submit that idea to you. Your MIL wants to have an August trip at a very pricey resort that she has volunteered to pay for. Sounds great! Let her plan away and enjoy going along for the ride on HER Disney vacation. Tell her that you took her advice and suggested to your family that maybe they shouldn't come on this trip. (Earn some brownie points for agreeing with the MIL.) But I would also go ahead and plan on a long weekend trip with your mom and sister et.al. so that you can all celebrate Mother's Day together at the Castle! I just wouldn't mention it to MIL until right before and when you do, make it all about spending Mother's Day with your mom (who just happens to be at WDW!) Good luck we'll be watching!

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

One thing about "posting" that I find problematic is you often don't know the tone someone is using while posting - so if I am off base with the following response, I apologize in advance. It seemed to me in the above post that you are sort of making your mom out to be the bad guy here. "refuses to go to WDW in August. Period." I'm hoping that's not the case. Two sides of a family are planning a trip to WDW - and that means that MIL doesn't get to dictate when you go. Not fair to invite people and express that everyone gets to have in-put and then let one person run the show. A huge group trip like that is about compromise and not dictating. Everyone needs to give up something and MIL is not giving up ANYTHING (except cash).

As has been mentioned many times previously during the life-span of this thread, by allowing your MIL to pay you have given her power. In that sense, your DH is quite on target. When you allow someone to pay, the "this is when we are going - you can come or not" approach (which is the approach we prefer) doesn't work. However, DH needs to be reminded that your family has now been included in the plan to go to WDW and that it isn't a MIL only show. It would be rude and inconsiderate to just dump your side of the family. He is as much a part of your family as you are of his (for better or worse ) so he also needs to be considerate of their feelings.

One option is to take the free vacation and plan a separate paid vacation with your family for May. You will be out no more money than if you had declined MIL's offer in the first place. Another option, and the one we would like choose, is to stand up to MIL and tell her you will not go in August - it is too hot for your kids and your family can't make it at that time -you will not uninivite your family b/c they are just as important to you as DH's family. It would be important to me for MIL to know that my family's feelings are just as important as her feelings. If MIL refused to budge, we wouldn't go. My Dh and I are very much on the same page about this sort of thing. We've been dealing with it quite a bit since our triplets were born - everything from guardianship to vacations.

I guess my tone wasn't expressed right when I said that about my mom. What I meant it that there is no way in heck she wants to go in August and I totally understand why she doesn't want to go in August.

I completely get what EVERYONE is saying, too. On one hand, I want to tell my MIL nevermind... then my DH and children would be super dissapointed. The IL's would pry tell everyone how spoiled and selfish I am because, "Gee- we offered her an all-expenses trip and she was so ungrateful and turned us down". On the other hand, I think, I should just suck it up and go. We will save literally thousands of dollars by going with them, and when all is said and done, we'll probably have a good time...
I don't like to "make waves" especially where family is concerned.... Everything is easier said than done, so when it comes to confronting people, what I imagine saying and what I actually do are two different things. I appreciate everyone's opinions on here. Thanks.

 

[flipflop]

I guess my tone wasn't expressed right when I said that about my mom. What I meant it that there is no way in heck she wants to go in August and I totally understand why she doesn't want to go in August.

Glad I started out my response that way then. Had a feeling the way I took it wasn't how you meant it. It seemed out of character for you (in light of the way you respond to your MIL - which is quite kind).

I hope it all works out and that you have a great trip to WDW with your kids, whenever you go and whomever you are with.

Hang in there.

 

[tlbwriter]

We will save literally thousands of dollars by going with them, and when all is said and done, we'll probably have a good time...

When you decide to give in because of the money, you are putting a price on something. Your self-respect, the respect of your mother and the rest of your family, your ability to be a grownup and make your own decisions... you are selling that for the price of a WDW vacation. This is fine as long as you go into it with your eyes wide open and are willing to make that sale. But do not kid yourself that this will ever "settle things once and for all." You just proved to MIL that your decisions go to the highest bidder. Or the person who is the most annoying when crossed.

 

[guelde96]

When you decide to give in because of the money, you are putting a price on something. Your self-respect, the respect of your mother and the rest of your family, your ability to be a grownup and make your own decisions... you are selling that for the price of a WDW vacation. This is fine as long as you go into it with your eyes wide open and are willing to make that sale. But do not kid yourself that this will ever "settle things once and for all." You just proved to MIL that your decisions go to the highest bidder. Or the person who is the most annoying when crossed.

I totally agree! Accepting money from inlaws can be like selling your soul!

Be very very careful.