How can I nicely tell MIL I don't like her gift idea?

[luvsJack]

The nice thing is all of the posts telling me to deal with it for the night have made me realize how very strongly I feel about not doing that. I really should be able to say no to something I find unpleasant. I don't want to say no to something on behalf of my husband because that isn't my place and if he would enjoy it, I'd be happy to see him go, but as you said those tickets are expensive, so I don't want MIL to spend $ on something he won't use. We've thrown out tickets before because I can't go for whatever reason (not just don't want to- this is actually the only thing I've said no to because I just don't want to) and he won't go by himself or with a friend.

I don't think you would have ANY trouble selling them.

How much is MIL going to possibly spend? I mean is it possible she will be getting tickets front and center or in the rafters? I mean if you are high enough up, it won't be AS bad anyway.

I mean everyone's relationship is their own. I just know that DH has been drug to a few musicals that he honestly hated and I have gone to rodeos that I wasn't thrilled about. He would never tell someone not to get me tickets to a show and I would be thrilled if MIL got dh tickets to a big rodeo.

This is supposed to be their last tour. Your dh really shouldn't have to miss out because of your preferences, honestly. Has he never gone or done anything he didn't like because you wanted it?

 

[piccolopat]

Since your MIL asked your opinion, I would tell something like this: "I'm not sure if DH still enjoys this band but I don't. The problem is that if I don't go with him, he won't go and that will be a waste of money." Maybe suggest she buy him a music video of the band instead of tickets and then he can watch it by himself whenever he wants. Maybe suggest tickets to a different event that you would both enjoy. If one of your kids likes the band, ask her to make the gift specific to your DH and kid.

 

[Turksmom]

As in most of these cases... If the DH would be demanding and 'argue' that the wife must do something like this, then it is not a MIL problem, it is a husband/marriage problem.

If you truly beleive that your husband is not-so-much into this king of thing from younger-days, then that would be something to think about.
Be truthful with your MIL if there might be a different concert or idea that might be better.
Other than that, I wouldn't get involved.... I would just remain very non-committal.

Believe me, if there is any, slight, indication that you are the one with the objection, that just simply not go over well.

I do agree with your assessment, but we've been married for over 20 years and this is really the only issue where we just can't seem to find a good compromise. He just feels like if an event happens during hours we would normally be together, that we have to go together. We both go out to lunch with friends during the work day, he travels for conferences and I've taken the kids to Disney without him and that's all fine. I really don't know why this is a sticking point. He also wasn't like this when we were first married, so it does deserve deeper investigation, but for now, I'm trying to get through the holidays without unnecessary conflict.

 

[Kae]

I'm gonna say KISS. They've got a huge tour starting next year, supposed to be the final one, and new dates into at least September have been announced recently, and the OP has met, and is not a fan of, Paul Stanley.

I just my tickets today-can't wait

 

[Turksmom]

This is supposed to be their last tour. Your dh really shouldn't have to miss out because of your preferences, honestly. Has he never gone or done anything he didn't like because you wanted it?

Honestly, no, he hasn't. There have been things I've wanted to do that he hasn't, but- I don't tend to push the issue because it isn't that important to me, so I can't say what the outcome would be. We agree on most things, so it only comes up occasionally.

 

[Owlpost23]

I absolutely do not. Nor do I wish to party every day. That's not true, I'd do both of those, just not with Kiss.

Brilliant response.I'm dying over here!

 

[Turksmom]

I would feel incredibly guilty that my husband may have missed out on something he would really enjoy because I was too selfish to suck it up for one night.

ETA: Just wanted to add that I know my husband has done the same for me.

I've actually never been called selfish by anyone who knows me, including my husband, so I'm not going to feel guilty for that. Yes, I would feel badly for him if he missed it, but not guilty as it would be his choice to not go with a friend.

 

[sam_gordon]

OK, did anyone else picture this (sorry for the quality, couldn't find a better resolution)?

 

[wvjules]

I'm not sure what is stranger...him not being able to attend without you or you refusing to go. For goodness sakes it's a few hours for one evening.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Two answers for me:

1) If you truly don't think your husband would be interested politely broach that subject to your mother-in-law. On that note is there another band that you know for sure he would be interested in as opposed to unsure? If you do you could maybe suggest that band instead.

2) If this is more about you not wanting to go to the concert because of who it is but you're more confident your husband would enjoy it I would personally suck it up. There have been times where I've said nicely I'm not interested in something and my husband went off by himself or with so and so. This one--it's a Christmas gift from someone else. I personally would go even if I was bored to tears. If it was something my husband brought up as an idea "hey you wanna go to X concert" that is a situation I'd feel like I could say "no I'm not really feeling that but you could go with someone else if you'd really like to go". Maybe he wouldn't go at all but at least I'd give him the option.

All JMO.

 

[Skellingtonj]

Kiss. I was trying not to say because I will admit they're iconic and I don't want to offend anyone who is a fan, but I also don't want to create excess drama.

Lord. I wouldn’t want to go either. Tell her no.

 

[mjkacmom]

I’ve been with DH 30 years, he loves concerts, and can go to as many as he pleases with friends and family, but I’m not going, and he’d never guilt me into going. He goes to several a year, went to see the Alarm with his sisters and has tickets in 2019. If I wanted to attend something he wasn’t interested in, I’d go with someone who was. Simple.

 

[Turksmom]

I don’t know, the OP hasn’t said why she’s adamantly opposed. Maybe she has a really good reason. If her DH knows her reasons but still insists that’s not cool either.

I don't know that it's a really good reason. I did have an unpleasant interaction with someone in the band. I don't have any reason to believe I'd have any personal interaction again, but not being a fan to begin with and then having that experience, just soured me to the whole thing. This was before we were married, and my husband has known that I dislike Kiss from the start. He does understand my reasons and I think if MIL didn't buy tickets, he probably wouldn't ask me to go.

 

[Diaz]

This is perspective from a MIL—-I often check with my DIL regarding what my son would like/need as a gift. I do this because they live far away, I really don’t get to spend much time with my son, I’m not sure of his preferences. If I come up with an idea for a gift, I run it past DIL first. I would appreciate her being honest, I wouldn’t want my hard earned $$$ going to waste. My feelings wouldn’t be hurt if DIL explained the situation to me. I wouldn’t want to buy them a gift that would cause disharmony. Maybe MIL purchase a Visa type gift card in the amount of the tickets, let her son decide if he really wants to see KISS again?

 

[J'aime Paris]

If you tell MIL to pass on the Kiss tickets, will she disclose that information to DH at Xmas time?
And will your DH be upset about missing that opportunity, and possibly with you for being the reason why he missed the opportunity?

 

[easyas123]

So you've had a unpleasant experience w/ someone associated with the band AND your husband knows this AND he still would expect/pressure/want you to go see them? I'd see that as a larger issue in your marriage vs. how to deal with a MIL issue. Sorry...

Now, I'm off to google both Chris Stapleton & Ian Anderson, cause I've never heard of either one.

 

[Turksmom]

This is perspective from a MIL—-I often check with my DIL regarding what my son would like/need as a gift. I do this because they live far away, I really don’t get to spend much time with my son, I’m not sure of his preferences. If I come up with an idea for a gift, I run it past DIL first. I would appreciate her being honest, I wouldn’t want my hard earned $$$ going to waste. My feelings wouldn’t be hurt if DIL explained the situation to me. I wouldn’t want to buy them a gift that would cause disharmony. Maybe MIL purchase a Visa type gift card in the amount of the tickets, let her son decide if he really wants to see KISS again?

Thanks for the perspective. I know my MIL is just trying to find the perfect gift. She's wonderful like that!

 

[Mermaid02]

Just want to say that we saw KISS in 2016, my hubby wanted to go and I was indifferent. It was a good show.

 

[Wendy31]

WARNING - OFF-TOPIC! I'm sorry!!

I know people love him. His voice makes me want to stab myself in the ears with an ice pick. He’s also all the bad bro-country stereotypes were surrounded by in Nashville and I don’t enjoy the genre as a whole, so it’s a thing. Interestingly the other divisive band in our family was playing at a local festival withthat included Stapleton, we just decided to pass altogether. It was we either both suffered or passed...lol. But it definitely wasn’t an arguement.

Op - a kiss show is such an experience and seems like the fans are so rabid, I kinda get why it’d less fun. Why couldn’t it be a guys night out?

Now, Amber, we two Tennessee girls agree on a lot, but I just can't w/ you on Chris Stapleton! LOL!

And I don't think he's anything like the current bro-country craze!

So you've had a unpleasant experience w/ someone associated with the band AND your husband knows this AND he still would expect/pressure/want you to go see them? I'd see that as a larger issue in your marriage vs. how to deal with a MIL issue. Sorry...

Now, I'm off to google both Chris Stapleton & Ian Anderson, cause I've never heard of either one.

This is Chris Stapleton w/ Justin Timberlake at one of the award shows a few years ago & one of my absolute favorite live performances I've ever seen...

 

[Turksmom]

So you've had a unpleasant experience w/ someone associated with the band AND your husband knows this AND he still would expect/pressure/want you to go see them? I'd see that as a larger issue in your marriage vs. how to deal with a MIL issue. Sorry...

Now, I'm off to google both Chris Stapleton & Ian Anderson, cause I've never heard of either one.

Google with the volume off! Point taken-again, the interaction wasn't traumatic, just unpleasant, and I'm not positive of his reaction in this situation, just basing my fears on past experience and hoping to avoid the whole thing. I'm focused on MIL because she's the one who asked and while I don't want to ruin what is a thoughtful idea on her part, I don't want to "just suck it up and go"