Megan.... you are NOT alone here.... even though I know telling you this doesn't really help. Let me share a bit briefly here.... when I got engaged (back in the dark ages of 1990) I was at a weight that I was NOT happy with.... I had spent years not being happy in my weight range.... but when I met and dated DH I gained a bit more and got engaged at about 10 pounds higher (honestly cannot remember exact numbers). Our "fun" together often was food-related... movies and popcorn, parties and beer, rainy weekends relaxing with our feet up and massive portions of chinese food, late-night ice cream runs.
When we got engaged and set the date, I knew I would be unhappy with myself if I didn't lose some weight. So I got to work (we were engaged nearly 2 years) and without a TON of extreme effort I got down to a very comfortable 140 on my wedding day. I felt good, looked good, and was pleased as punch with how I looked that day! But I had one problem.... I had NO PLAN. My entire weight loss journey that time had a definite END date.... May 17, 1992. I never gave a SINGLE SOLITARY thought as to how I was going to maintain this weight loss and make it a lifestyle. I also had a few things that threw me for a loop right after the wedding (post-wedding depression... it is really a thing!), unemployment (I changed states when I got married), newlywed eating for "fun", and then just a few months into our marriage my DH got changed from a M-F 9-5 type of schedule to a horrible Tu-Fri night job (approx 3pm - 1 am) and Saturdays 9-5, right after I had secured a regular 9-5 job!!. He spent all day Sunday sleeping and then was off Mondays when I headed to work. I was lonely (away from family and friends), depressed (post-wedding letdown and nothing "exciting" on the horizon), and bored. That all added up to me gaining everything I lost for the wedding PLUS some.... I hit my 1 year anniversary at probably close to my highest weight to date.
Why am I saying all this..... I guess so you know you are not alone? Because it is 5 am and I am rambling? So that you realize you aren't THAT far gone? You still have time to get back to "wedding weight" by your anniversary! What a great accomplishment that would be! And what a doubly happy anniversary that would be!
One more thing..... I'm going to go into the "MOM" zone on you.... but it is coming from a place of love..... you need to get on a regular sleep schedule. I know, I know.... I'm old and old-fashioned.... but I KNOW that sleep is important.... sleep is when your body grows (when you are a kid) and sleep is when your body HEALS (always) and sleep is when your brain recharges and resets.... but it needs to be good, restorative sleep.... not cat naps on the sofa, not a few hours here and a few hours there. Deep sleep, in a bed, in a cool, dark, quiet room is best.
Okay.... taking of my "MOM" hat and putting on my "friend" hat.....
to you. This WILL happen for you... I know it. Just hope I can help you find the right switch to throw to help it along!