Rude House guests!

[Chocolate Cake]

My son in law was abused by them when he was growing up. He still tries so hard to win their approval and will not do anything to upset them. Thank goodness they only visit once a year.

Your poor son in law. But this is your home, and you owe them nothing.

I have no tolerance for child abusers. They are scum of the earth to me. I would have said to the lazy slob lounging on my couch "I need you to clean up your mess, now. I don't like messes in my home."

Your son in law needs counseling if he is still tiptoeing around his abusers. But you don't have to put up with any of what they bring into your home.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

My DD and her family are currently living with me in my house, that is not the problem. Her in laws have been here for 9 days, they are staying in my camper in the driveway. (That story would require another post!)r.

Well, now you have to tell us Why are these abusers staying in your camper in your driveway?

Also, if I were you, I would "pop in" to your camper. I imagine it is a mess from them.

 

[luvbwv]

I’m going to try and answer a lot of questions in one post.
When I said I had it out with her, that was not my first choice of how to deal with a bad situation. I tried my best to handle the situation tactfully, but got no where. This situation happened on the night of DD’s wedding reception. My husband had been very ill in the months leading up to the wedding and we weren’t even sure he would live to see the wedding, so that added a lot of stress. I tried talking to her with no results and I lost it. Not my proudest moment for sure! (My husband passed away before DD’s first child was born.)
They travel for work so their hotel stay would be paid for by their employer, they just choose not to stay in a hotel. This will be the last time I offer my camper to them. I was trying to be nice. (My middle name should be door mat!!!)
The grandchildren are in no danger of being abused because they are NEVER left alone with these people. DD will not allow it. If they step out of line at all I am not afraid to step in if needed, but I would have to fight off SIL & DD because they would not allow it either.
I agree that SIL needs counseling, but he does not think so. He as never shown ANY sign of being abusive with his children so that is not a worry. Luckily these people only show up once a year when they are in the area for work. His mom never calls although he speaks to his dad occasionally.
DD and the baby are hiding out most of the time. She needs her rest.
Tomorrow at this time it will all be a bad memory!

 

[larissawbb]

I just keep picturing the Griswald’s weirdo cousins in the driveway. I’m sorry that you have such awful house guests.

 

[ols386]

I would not be happy that she left the kitchen in shambles, and didn’t offer to at least help with cleanup. I would have been fuming. Next time be sure to ask (or tell her) to cleanup. If there is a next time.

I’m glad they are leaving soon. I’d make sure to think of a way to prevent them from staying in your home again.

Congratulations on the new grand baby.

 

[kimblebee]

I just keep picturing the Griswald’s weirdo cousins in the driveway. I’m sorry that you have such awful house guests.

I can quote Christmas Vacation pretty much word for word.

He’s just yakkin’ on a bone

S******’s full!

 

[Hikergirl]

I can't even imagine having house guests for 9 days when there is a mom with a newborn there. And to top it all off they aren't helping the new parents, they are just there. No way would they ever be welcome back.
I get that you did this for your SIL, but how does you dd feel about these people (in general because of the past abuse) and about having people at the house when she is just home from the hospital after giving birth? There is a way to support your SILs wishes to be close to his parents that don't include letting them stay in your home/camper. Next year tell them to get a hotel.

 

[ronandannette]

...I agree that SIL needs counseling, but he does not think so. He as never shown ANY sign of being abusive with his children so that is not a worry. Luckily these people only show up once a year when they are in the area for work. His mom never calls although he speaks to his dad occasionally.
DD and the baby are hiding out most of the time. She needs her rest.
Tomorrow at this time it will all be a bad memory!

What are they - carnys? They sound like scum, to put it not so politely. I agree that family dynamics can be so very complicated, and we all appreciate your compassion for your SIL. To a point you may be enabling his dysfunction, although I'd be hard-pressed to give you any advice on what a better approach might be. I shudder to think of how hard all this is on your DD (in more ways than just this brief nightmare of an annual visit).

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am SO sorry for what you went thru, and the loss of your husband!!!

Yes... 'enabling'... I simply could no longer do that.
I do really feel for you, as I know you are trying to be 'nice' and 'be a good person'.

The thing is 'good person' and 'door mat' are two very very different things!

Okay, so... look in the mirror, and repeat to self, several times...
"I am NOT a door mat.... I am NOT a door mat... I am NOT a doormat..."

Repeat daily!!!

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I’m going to try and answer a lot of questions in one post.
When I said I had it out with her, that was not my first choice of how to deal with a bad situation. I tried my best to handle the situation tactfully, but got no where. This situation happened on the night of DD’s wedding reception. My husband had been very ill in the months leading up to the wedding and we weren’t even sure he would live to see the wedding, so that added a lot of stress. I tried talking to her with no results and I lost it. Not my proudest moment for sure! (My husband passed away before DD’s first child was born.)
They travel for work so their hotel stay would be paid for by their employer, they just choose not to stay in a hotel. This will be the last time I offer my camper to them. I was trying to be nice. (My middle name should be door mat!!!)
The grandchildren are in no danger of being abused because they are NEVER left alone with these people. DD will not allow it. If they step out of line at all I am not afraid to step in if needed, but I would have to fight off SIL & DD because they would not allow it either.
I agree that SIL needs counseling, but he does not think so. He as never shown ANY sign of being abusive with his children so that is not a worry. Luckily these people only show up once a year when they are in the area for work. His mom never calls although he speaks to his dad occasionally.
DD and the baby are hiding out most of the time. She needs her rest.
Tomorrow at this time it will all be a bad memory!

You're a good person. Your SIL & DD are lucky to have you. Sometimes, we have to do things we don't want to for the people we love. I could put up with anything for a week or two to make my family happy. IMO, that's what it takes to have a good relationship with extended family. It's not surprising that there are so many dysfunctional families. When people aren't willing to sacrifice anything & only worry about what's best for them, the family falls apart.

 

[Chocolate Cake]

You're a good person. Your SIL & DD are lucky to have you. Sometimes, we have to do things we don't want to for the people we love. I could put up with anything for a week or two to make my family happy. IMO, that's what it takes to have a good relationship with extended family. It's not surprising that there are so many dysfunctional families. When people aren't willing to sacrifice anything & only worry about what's best for them, the family falls apart.

I will also say that some family members aren't worth keeping around. I think it is very dysfunctional to keep abusive family members in your life.

I do think the OP is very nice. I just could never allow someone to treat me or my home in such a manner. Especially someone that harmed children at one time.

 

[Mortlives]

Please confirm that they are gone.