Yearly Review...finances

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by disney junky, Jan 12, 2018.

  1. runwad

    runwad Dis Veteran

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    Ha! I identify with a lot of the posts on this thread. Like the OP's wife, my DH always gave his mom cash and she wrote checks to pay his bills. He has no clue. Well he does have a clue, but I think he's lazy and just doesn't want to deal with it all. I have a composite notebook that has everything written down, sites, login's contact numbers. DIRECTIONS! It's in my safe and he and the kids know to get the book if anything happens to mom. I've tried to show him multiple times over our 25 year marriage but he just says it's in the book I'll be fine.

    I don't have any of my bills come on line because he never checks his email, so I doubt he would check mine after I'm gone to get statements. I just say a prayer that God doesn't take me before my kids are done with college because he would have no clue about their 529's or the tricks I have to do tax wise to get the AOTC (one kid gets a scholarship I have to add some of her scholarship to her taxable income, he's clueless on taxes).

    He really has a whole disconnect with money because he always grew up having it and I didn't. So I'm the saver and he's the spender. He could care less if we have a savings account or any kind of cushion. I'm debt adverse and really worked hard to get our house and cars paid off, it wasn't easy with him but I did it. And then the guy breaks everything he touches so I'm constantly having to have things fixed. I tell ya if not for him I'd be a millionaire. If not for me he'd be a pauper.
    But opposites attract and all that, so we're fine:love:
     
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  2. Gumbo4x4

    Gumbo4x4 Note to the ladies who forgot to

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    This is us for the most part, though DW is way worse about it than me. I tend to spend money in larger chunks, but with large gaps in between. She spends a little on each purchase, but buys SOMETHING pretty much every day. We had to replace a refrigerator recently, so she harped at me to be careful about spending. 20 minutes later, she’s online shopping for clothes. The issue is one of math. 30 $20 purchases do in fact total up to more money than 1 $450 purchase (the fridge), but she honestly doesn’t see it.
     
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  4. Christine

    Christine Would love to be able to sit on

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    I think we've had a similar scenario in our marriage. It's tough. My husband definitely doesn't "get" the ramifications of what he spends. As he's gotten a bit older though, his spending habits have gotten better.

    I will say though, that this is kind of a lifestyle thing. While I didn't necessarily grow up deprived, I kind of have your husband's mindset. My job is really stressful and buying neat things and having a nice steak dinner are stress relievers/rewards for me. I don't want to work my butt off all week and also pennypinch. I just don't. But I've made that choice not to save like crazy because I just want to kind of spend freely. I'm sure I might regret that one day but I'm doing okay as is, just not optimal.
     
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  5. Soldier's*Sweeties

    Soldier's*Sweeties DIS Veteran

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    Same here :rotfl: But I know I’m doing it. No self control!
     
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  6. kimblebee

    kimblebee now my thoughts will be worth 5 cents

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    We have a joint account and I’m in charge of the finances. I’d like him to be more involved, but it’s just not his thing. Right now, we don’t have much disposable income so everything we do is necessity only. I’m hoping that will change in the next few months.
     
  7. Mackenzie Click-Mickelson

    Mackenzie Click-Mickelson DIS Veteran

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    We have separate checking accounts but also a joint checking and a joint money market account.

    For us we're both well aware of the finances. He does handle the utilities that are e-billed (he has a gmail account set up for just utilities) but I often make sure for instance that the mortgage is paid each month (as I mentioned in another thread my husband has horrible memory--knowing the bill is due by the 1st but no later than the 15th is one thing but making sure to pay it is another and the mortgage is the only bill {other than HOA dues} that is not EFT'd purposefully). I also organize mail that comes to the house and I try hard to keep it that way (doesn't always happen) in case we miss something.

    My husband also has a password protected (I know the password) file that has a list of all the passwords used.

    As far as spending I'm much more frugal than my husband-I've been that way for years and years. But I have learned to spend $ more than I used to. We both though watch money. Sometimes we spend on wants but most are needs or things we know would be nice to have (like a leaf blower--we have woods in our backyards...it's a lot of leaves). Vacations are not needed but we do take them usually 1 week+ one a year but we are often looking at ways to do the trip on a budget. While we don't eat out all the time it is one thing that we'll get into a habit of eating out multiple times a week and then we'll get into a habit of cooking multiple times a week. We're trying to work on making cooking much more of a habit than eating out.
     
  8. DLgal

    DLgal DIS Veteran

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    Totally understand that point. That's why after an 18 year military career, we have no savings. But we are approaching the transition to civilian life and I am nervous about his ability to land a job right after he retires from the military. I want to have a cushion just in case. If he does, in fact, land a job immediately, we will use a large chunk of that money to "play". He is also considering a full time graduate school program and there is NO way he can do that unless we have about a year's worth of monthly expenses saved up. His military retirement check will only go so far...
     
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  9. Christine

    Christine Would love to be able to sit on

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    Yes, that makes a lot of sense.
     
  10. CdnCarrie

    CdnCarrie DIS Veteran

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    If you need to save so bad and have moderate debt then maybe its time you get a job and not be a sahm. Sorry that's just what jumped out at me from your post.
     
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  11. Colleen27

    Colleen27 DIS Veteran

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    Everything is joint in our household, and I manage everything. Like a couple of others have said, if I dropped dead tomorrow DH would be lost. He hasn't paid a bill in probably 15 years.

    As far as spending goes, I was born without the shopping gene so I don't tend to do a lot of impulse buying. My weakness is eating out, especially since I went back to work, because cooking just isn't something I enjoy unless I'm in the mood for it. My husband can be more of a spender, but usually on little things - blu-rays and sodas, comic books and treats for the kids - so it doesn't add up to a ton of wasted money. Enough that I nip it in the bud every now and then when it is getting out of control (just as I periodically reassess and go on no-eating-out "fasts" when I realize I've been spending too much that way), but not enough to worry me in a bigger-picture sense. We're used to living simply to afford things that were high priority even when we had much less money than we do now, and we haven't let our wants adjust too far upward as our earning situation has improved.
     
  12. DLgal

    DLgal DIS Veteran

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    Um...I would love to. I can't right now for a few reasons, special needs kids, a husband who travels and works super long hours, and some health issues I am trying to manage. I don't know of anyone who will hire me when my availability is basically limited to 9am-1pm, M-F and I need every weekend and school holiday break and the entire summer off. I do work from home a couple months out of the year and earn about $5k for two months of work, but that's seasonal employment with no other windows of opportunity during the year.

    Thanks for your helpful suggestion, though...
     
  13. Frwinkley

    Frwinkley Mouseketeer

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    I have handled all of the money for over 32 years of our marriage. My DH has very little interest. However, he is all about computer security, passwords, logins, etc. and is a whiz with technology. Because of this, we've created an area within our computer that he can get to (with a very secure password of course), that outlines in great detail every aspect of our finances--what bills get paid when and out of what account, what assets we have, life insurance, expenses, etc. My married daughter also has access to this information.

    I've watched my mother struggle for years after my father died because she had no knowledge of their finances; I would never want to do that to my spouse. Having said that, should he die before me, I may never be able to use the DVR again!
     
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  14. garada3

    garada3 DIS Veteran

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    We are having our inaugural Annual Retirement Meeting of the Planning & Investment Team this weekend. We both wanted to start making our “some day” discussions more real.

    DH handles the investing side of our finances and I manage the monthly bills and spending. We both know how much money we have and where we have it.

    Our meeting will involve talking about current/future finances, going through a retirement planning checklist, and creating a timeline that spans from now until we stop working as well as a to-do list of items to research/update/take care of: possible retirement locations, healthcare costs/coverage before Medicare age, how my pension works, best age to take SS, legal items and the all important bucket list.

    Our youngest started college this year and we are starting the glide path to retirement. I have taken a much greater interest in the investing side of the finances in the last couple of years.
     
  15. FINFAN

    FINFAN Mom to Tinkbell

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    I do the budget(and standard saving)and pay the bills, DH does the investing. He knows I am one step above theivery on purchase prices, I know he is logical on investing. We have passwords where they can be accessed if needed. So far , so good on this working for us, it's been 32 years this way.
     
  16. Katy Belle

    Katy Belle DIS Veteran

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    I’ve been a SAHM for 23 years, so his money is our money. Even when I worked, we shared all of our money.

    DH is an accountant, he likes money. Investing is one of his hobbies. He handles all of the money. He has set up a pretty detailed budget. He prints reports occasionally, and we go over them together. We always discuss the budget at the beginning of the year.

    We save a lot. We don’t really spend it just because we have it. But we certainly go on nicer vacations, and drive nicer cars, than we used to!
     
  17. Grumpy's Gal

    Grumpy's Gal DIS Veteran

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    A school! The office or library of a school.
     
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  18. John VN

    John VN DIS Cast Member

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    45 years married this June. DW handles all bills. Since the get-go, her income belonged to her and my income belonged to her. She could do whatever she wanted to do and still can without the need to ask me. Years ago I flew to TX. to watch grandsons when son was sent away for Army stuff. At lay-over I called her and she says to me.......

    DW----"Please don't get upset with me but I just purchased a sewing machine that was on sale."
    ME----"Not a problem."
    DW----"It was reduced to $3,000.00 from $5,000.00."
    ME----"Not a problem. You know what we have, do whatever you want. Are you sure it is good enough?"
    DW----"For now it's great."

    If she dies before me, our DD has complete knowledge of our finances and all I'll need from her is a small allowance for stuff. DD will take care of bills.
     
  19. ronandannette

    ronandannette I gave myself this tag and I "Like" myself too!

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    Organize things however you like between spouses; I totally respect that. But the expectation that one of your children will have to take over "parenting" you financially is shocking, let alone that she apparently already knows more about your personal finances than you do.
     
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2018
  20. DLgal

    DLgal DIS Veteran

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    This is my plan in a couple years when my kids hopefully will be mature enough to be left home alone for a few hours (or all day when they are sick). I plan to start as a substitute 1:1 aide, then move to a permanent position. At this time, my younger son (11) has a mental age of about 6 and absolutely cannot be left home alone for any period of time. I have to wait until my kids are more independent because I won't make enough to justify paying for any kind of babysitting/supervision. As it stands, it is pointless to take a minimum wage retail part time job (20 hrs/week) during the school year. That would barely bring in what I make at my seasonal work from home job, after taxes are taken into account.

    My other hurdle is severe IBS and migraines. If it isn't one of those, it's the other, it seems. I have to "bow out" of previous engagements a LOT. That's not so conducive to working outside the home.
     
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  21. sk!mom

    sk!mom DIS Veteran

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    I'm not sure if you really meant that you wanted to work but if you did, you might check into tutoring through your local school district. It pays well and in many districts is only 10 - 15 hours per week.


    Eh, different strokes for different folks. I know people who have it all joint and those who keep a separation. Every couple should do what works for them just make sure that both are aware and could find the money if they needed to.
     
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