One Spouse Retired-The Other Not Yet....

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by disney junky, Jan 9, 2018.

  1. tzolkin

    tzolkin DIS Veteran

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    For me, I don’t think it would be resentment of my spouse, but more resentment of the situation.

    We are both very much looking forward to traveling and doing certain things in retirement. We plan our finances very meticulously so that we can do things together. I could certainly see some resentment/disappointment if things did not work out as planned and one felt they were constrained by work when we should be enjoying the freedom of retirement together.
     
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  2. NotUrsula

    NotUrsula DIS Veteran

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    Heck, I already resent just the thought of it, and I won't be retiring for nearly 20 years. (Which is a big part of what I'm resenting. I don't come from a long-lived gene pool, so knowing that I won't be able to retire until age 73 comes with the realization that I probably won't be retiring at all. It would really be an anomaly for me to live that long, and if I do, I'll likely be pretty seriously disabled.)

    (And before anyone asks, not failure to plan. Just unable to contribute as much as I'd have liked to, due to student loan obligations and the need to support my disabled mother for many years.)
     
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  4. Darcy03231

    Darcy03231 DIS Veteran

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    DH retired 3.5 years ago and I'm still working. We haven't had any issues, but we arranged our finances so that I would be able to retire when he did. Once the time came, however, I just wasn't ready. He retired early (at age 60) and I'm 8 years younger than he is. I love my job and the people I work with, so I decided to continue to work. It's freeing to know, however, that I can pull the plug whenever I'm ready.

    I can see where there could be issues if you hated your job or didn't want to work anymore, but had to, while the other person was home.
     
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  5. Kathryn Merteuil

    Kathryn Merteuil Barden Bella

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    I don't know which one of us will retire first. Hopefully we will both retire early ::yes::

    I could see where it could cause some problems in a relationship if one spouse was retired and the other still works.
     
  6. BriarfoxinWA

    BriarfoxinWA DIS Veteran

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    So my DH is determined to retire in 7 years when he is 60. He can retire with his pension being 80% of his pay - if he stayed on until he was 65 he would get 100%. I'm not looking forward to this at all. He has a home business that is a hobby and a tax write off for us. I know he will be on the computer buying things through his business, that he will then sell basically at cost to his "friends". He doesn't typically do yard or housework unless I nag him unmercifully for days. I am 2 years younger than him and have no desire to retire at 60 and plan to work until they don't want me anymore. I really love my job, make good money and flexible schedule. I'm dreading retirement because I'm sure there will be issues. If he is home all day I would expect him to do the yard and cook - we have a cleaning lady once a week. However, I seriously have doubts that he will pick up the slack.
     
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  7. china mom

    china mom DIS Veteran

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    DH went out on disability in June 2010, I retired in Dec that same year. He retired in June 2011 and ended up in his second career shortly after. So, he had six months home alone, we had six months home together, and I had about six month working only part time.

    I think that each of us expected the at home spouse to pick up more home duties than they actually did and that caused some resentment. But keep in mind that our kids were 8 & 10 at the time so there was a LOT to get done at home.

    All I can say is than heaven that we are both back at work full time again. The balance has been restored!
     
  8. klmall

    klmall aka Kathy DIS Lifetime Sponsor

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    DH retired years before me due to health issues and then I retired but we found we were spending our savings to get by so I went back to work for a federal contractor. I enjoyed working and the outside contacts and I would have kept working if his health didn't require moving to a one-story home. So we sold our home, moved out west and find ourselves still adjusting to both being home together. He has always cooked and grocery shopped so no adjustment there but he resents my 'alone time' and need to be upstairs working on my hobbies all day. He's big into online role-play gaming so that does distract him. Recently DH suggested that we travel more which is exactly what I'd like to do! Sometimes I want to find a part-time flexible job or an at home job but it's good to be available to work on my photography and scrapbooking and to travel whenever we want!

    In some ways I have it much better than a good friend. Her DH retired before her and when she finally retired he assumed that she would fix breakfast, lunch and dinner for him as she always did on weekends before. He's a very good husband who has always helped her with dishes and cleaning but once she was home full-time he wanted her to pick up all these meals along with everything else she does. In addition, he refuses to give up their 4,500 sq ft home for a smaller easier to care for place. I'm afraid she may never get time to enjoy her hobbies and friends!
     
  9. cabanafrau

    cabanafrau DIS Veteran

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    Hopefully your friend realizes sooner rather than later that she needs to find out a way to demonstrate to her husband that compromise is a necessity going forward.
     
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  10. klmall

    klmall aka Kathy DIS Lifetime Sponsor

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    Me too!
     
  11. Grumpy's Gal

    Grumpy's Gal DIS Veteran

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    I hope you win the lottery and then you can retire at the same time and not have to think about it.
     
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  12. ronandannette

    ronandannette I gave myself this tag and I "Like" myself too!

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    Well, that or the Rapture...:rotfl2:
     
  13. Skippy918

    Skippy918 DIS Veteran

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    My mom retired before my dad. I think she was retired for about 5 years before my dad lost his job and decided not to bother to look for a new one. My dad didn’t mind working so it really wasn’t an issue.

    My boss’s wife is retired and he’s been telling us that his wife wants him to stop working. I know she’s over 65 and he’s not so his concern is healthcare, but she really wants to travel. He told us that his end full time date is late 2019. He’s hoping for some part time arrangement. My boss rocks so I hate seeing him leave.
     
  14. aprilgail

    aprilgail DIS Veteran

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    My neighbors husband retired 5 years ago and she is retiring this year- she is loving it, she comes home for lunch and he has lunch made-then she goes back to work and comes home for dinner and he cooks that too. She loves not having to cook and he also keeps the house clean- she is very happy with the way it turned out. I believe that the bulk of the housework should fall to the person that is not working in the relationship if there is one- I had another friend that was a SAHM and she was mad her husband didn't help with the housework, crazy- he worked 40+ hours a week and she wanted him to then do housework too!
     
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  15. china mom

    china mom DIS Veteran

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    Huge issue for me. I was 46 when I retired the first time. Health insurance with a husband and two young kids was costing $1200 a month! and that was staying on my former government job's group policy. Back in a government position (different county) and not whining at all about $200/mo.
     

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