iivye
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2013
When my husband and I were first married I did everything (baby, worked full time, school at night, cleaning) and eventually I had a mini breakdown about it. I learned that he grew up with his mom doing everything (working full time, taking care of the house, cleaning and cooking) and in his mind that is how things worked.
We had a huge fight and I straight out said that is not the way things were going to be in our house. We've been married 15 years and have come to a nice balance but it was not easy road and still isn't perfect. I'm terrible about saying things that need to be done but not specifically asking him to do them, like I'll mention there's a lot of laundry but don't ask him to do it. If I ask him to do something he does do it but not right away and usually not the way I want it done but that's where I need to let go of my control issues. We also have different definitions of cleaning and his does not include mopping but I've gotten over it.
Mainly I just want to tell you that you are not alone and that many of us have had these same issues. I had a lot of resentment towards my husband and at the same time I felt a little bit like a failure because I couldn't do it all but once I let it all out things improved and now those feelings are long gone.
We had a huge fight and I straight out said that is not the way things were going to be in our house. We've been married 15 years and have come to a nice balance but it was not easy road and still isn't perfect. I'm terrible about saying things that need to be done but not specifically asking him to do them, like I'll mention there's a lot of laundry but don't ask him to do it. If I ask him to do something he does do it but not right away and usually not the way I want it done but that's where I need to let go of my control issues. We also have different definitions of cleaning and his does not include mopping but I've gotten over it.
Mainly I just want to tell you that you are not alone and that many of us have had these same issues. I had a lot of resentment towards my husband and at the same time I felt a little bit like a failure because I couldn't do it all but once I let it all out things improved and now those feelings are long gone.