I think I'm just going to have to come out and tell her that I'm not going to go with him and let her decide.
You know, if your MIL enjoys buying the stuff and it makes Christmas for her to do these things, just accept it’s the way she is and it’s what she wants to do. It’s Christmas for her too!
Sometimes you just have to let people be what they be and quit worrying about how to change them. If she asked for your input, tell her. If not, suck it up, put a smile on your face and let her be happy.
Yes, that's the way we thought of it for many years, and that's what we did, if it makes her happy, but I realize now that it's been 20 years, it honestly affects us in a negative way and seems like our views and wishes for Christmas never counted, and maybe after all these years I really would hope to just do simpler Christmases and have our Christmases be happy for us too. She really is a person that everything is about things and stuff and all about her and she demands the main attention in everything. Then the next day on the 26th it's her birthday it's all about her again which is understandable and has to have a big birthday party. My and my husband's birthdays also in Dec and we don't really do anything for ours being close to Christmas. But I'll put on a smiley face, ooh and aah and it'll be the same miserable Christmas. Just needed a vent. I think trying to say we're not being nice is not really fair considering it's been all about her and everyone else besides us for 20 years. We just want a really simple Christmas, not overdone. It affects us in a negative way emotionally mentally and spiritually and financially, especially since it's every year year after year.
I’m not sure it matters if you understand her situation. If a person says that it has a negative effect on them in a profound way, then maybe it’s not something they can just accept any longer. They deserve peace and happiness at the holidays as well.I never intended to say you weren’t being nice. Just that sometimes it is easier on you, mentally, to let people just be how they choose to be.
I am not understanding how her buying a bunch of stuff is effecting you in all those negative ways. Is she demanding that you do the same thing she does? If so that’s very different than just her buying you a bunch of stuff you don’t want.
I’m not sure it matters if you understand her situation. If a person says that it has a negative effect on them in a profound way, then maybe it’s not something they can just accept any longer. They deserve peace and happiness at the holidays as well.
It’s hard for anyone to understand what goes on in another’s life. I think people have lots of choices. I hope the poster finds one that brings her peace. I would never question her experience.No it really doesn’t matter but usually we have a choice in life. Being happy and having peace is a choice.
But we can’t make other people’s choices for them. Her mil chooses to buy a bunch of stuff or junk. There isn’t one thing she can do about it. But she doesn’t have to do the same thing in return nor should she feel she has to. If her mil is demanding that they buy her a bunch of gifts, then she is making the pp’s choices which isn’t right and that the pp should put a stop to.
If she can’t accept it any longer, what are her choices? Be miserable, cut ties with her mil or let the woman do what she does and not worry about it. If her husband isn’t willing to cut his mom out of his life over Christmas presents, that leaves two choices. No one should be miserable.
I'm gonna say KISS. They've got a huge tour starting next year, supposed to be the final one, and new dates into at least September have been announced recently, and the OP has met, and is not a fan of, Paul Stanley.
It’s hard for anyone to understand what goes on in another’s life. I think people have lots of choices. I hope the poster finds one that brings her peace. I would never question her experience.
I never intended to say you weren’t being nice. Just that sometimes it is easier on you, mentally, to let people just be how they choose to be.
I am not understanding how her buying a bunch of stuff is effecting you in all those negative ways. Is she demanding that you do the same thing she does? If so that’s very different than just her buying you a bunch of stuff you don’t want.
I hear you. That would probably make me batty too. But can't you have the sort of Christmas you want with your own nuclear family? My husband's mom wasn't much different from what you describe, but she passed 15 years ago and he'd give anything to be back to worrying about how to get through another crazy Christmas.Good question. Of course I feel I have to do the same. And I try to get things people actually like also. I can't give her one gift if she gives us many. And I am a minimalist, I hate clutter and it's wasteful to me and not enjoyable. It's always tons of little things bc to them Christmas is about opening presents for hours. Is that really what Christmas should be about? I have other people to see in my family. I have other people to buy gifts for. It also is all our birthdays that month including hers which is the 26th. It is mine, it is my husband's, it is my brother's. It becomes way too much. I don't like getting silly gifts, to me it's a waste of money. My own mother was don't spend much on me for Christmas, but my MIL is the opposite. I don't want a dancing singing gorilla, or a slinky to put on your arm which she told me is one of the gifts she got my husband this year, some crazy slinky type thing. Everyone has to open one gift at a time also so it takes hours. One of my answers to this may be to let my husband get her gifts and his step father's. Which might fix the issue bc he HATES shopping, hates it even much more than me. I actually enjoy it if it's meaningful and simple. I would much rather give and get one meaningful gift. I think bottom line is I really feel Christmas has lost it's soul we get caught up in the crazy over spending, losing it's real meaning. And I won't be mean about it, I'll go along bc they enjoy it like I always have. It's just different personalities, and I guess after all these years I wanted to have a Christmas I actually enjoyed, filled with peace and love and not stress.
I missed a few pages so apologies if this has already been addressed, but would DH go with any of the kids? My parents do *everything* together and neither of them would even a friend to take to a concert like this. If I knew my dad wanted to see a band and knew that my mom would hate it, I would step up and go with my dad. I think I'd be the only person he'd be willing and able to go with, other than my mom. Perhaps one of the kids could do the same?
But back to the question at hand, I don't think there's any harm in being honest with your MIL. Its best to be honest about it, considering what an expensive gift this likely is.
Good question. Of course I feel I have to do the same. And I try to get things people actually like also. I can't give her one gift if she gives us many. And I am a minimalist, I hate clutter and it's wasteful to me and not enjoyable. It's always tons of little things bc to them Christmas is about opening presents for hours. Is that really what Christmas should be about? I have other people to see in my family. I have other people to buy gifts for. It also is all our birthdays that month including hers which is the 26th. It is mine, it is my husband's, it is my brother's. It becomes way too much. My own mother was don't spend much on me for Christmas, but my MIL is the opposite. I don't want a dancing singing gorilla, or a slinky to put on your arm which she told me is one of the gifts she got my husband this year, some crazy slinky type thing. Everyone has to open one gift at a time also so it takes hours. One of my answers to this may be to let my husband get her gifts and his step father's. Which might fix the issue bc he HATES shopping, hates it even much more than me. I actually enjoy it if it's meaningful and simple. I would much rather give and get one meaningful gift. I think bottom line is I really feel Christmas has lost it's soul we get caught up in the crazy over shopping, losing it's real meaning. And I won't be mean about it, I'll go along bc they enjoy it like I always have. It's just different personalities, and I guess after all these years I wanted to have a Christmas I actually enjoyed, filled with peace and love and not stress.