@Positive - this thread has been open for a week now; how are things going with your BF? Have you discussed any of the ideas put forward here?
I apologize that I have not posted/responded. I was away at WDW with my family, a wonderful trip to celebrate my mom.
I have read & thought about the advice & opinions expressed here daily. Before leaving, my DBF & I talked about where & why we are struggling with each other. I let him know what I need from him, i.e.: sharing info, news, etc about his DD, that it is disrespectful to me as a person & us as a couple to keep a major part of his life closed off. Though many here have expressed that we are a "loss" because we are not married or living together, this is not an issue to me. Maybe someday it will be down the road, but today it is not. I love this man, we DO have a life together. We have laughed, cried, planned together, supported each other, cared about one another's families & kids, gone out of our way to think of one another & what would make life better/easier for the other, we give each other advice & call each other on the carpet when needed. I still appreciate those views/opinions. I am secure with myself to hear a differing opinion.
When I came home, my DBF was clearly making an effort to share & it's a start. I am a realistic person & I know there is a long way to go.
I would like to offer a better explanation about Thanksgiving, since it pushed some DISers buttons about my actions (i.e.:not bringing up the subject of the holiday & instead waiting for him to do so). Here it goes...This is a man that I see or at a minimum speak to every day. In all of the years before there was strife between his DD & I, he would absolutely be asking me about Thanksgiving plans-what's on the menu, will I be sure to make sweet potato soufflé, he loves it, what time will we be eating, what does he need to bring, he would remind me that HE will bring up the extra table & chairs so I don't hurt my back again. 2 years ago, he opted to go to his sister's for Thanksgiving & let me know last minute. This past year, he said nothing. During every conversation we had leading up to the day, he evaded the subject of Thanksgiving-maybe out of conflict of where & how & with whom he was going to spend the day. I deserved more than that & I let him know it. It was unacceptable & can never happen again.
I have not ruled out seeing a couples therapist together, although I also know that nobody is as invested in us as we are in each other. If we are both going to work this out, we are the ones that need to figure out how & what works for us. In the end we are only accountable to each other. I know this year will be a turning point for us -if it is more of the same, I know I will not be able to continue in our relationship. If we can find common ground out of respect for each other to BOTH share details about our kids & he would need to an all around better job at navigating things with his DD & me I would know that we turned a corner.