cobright
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2013
Even a seemingly simple will will end up in probate in some circumstances. This is obviously different from state to state, but often what puts an estate in probate is the transfer of titled assets like cars, 'real property' (land, buildings), investment holdings, and short-term financial assets. If these items are still in the deceased's name, a simple 'last will and testament' may not be enough to authorize an executor to dispose of the estate. These assets, if significant, are often transferred to a living trust in order to keep them out of probate. Another possibility is that the person named as executor of the estate can't or won't fulfill this role.
Some of the previous posts have said not to rush contact with your fathers wife, as her feelings may be raw. I might disagree. If there is one thing I have learned might be a 'human constant' is the desire to feel important. You are in a unique position to make use of this. Don't mention wills or inheritance to the step-mom, or to anyone else within the family if it could get back to her. Call her sometime you're pretty sure she'll be at home.
You start with something like, "I'm sorry I haven't reached out to you earlier. I meant to. Tried to. But... you know how difficult things were between dad and me..."
Now... I don't know the whole story of your father's and your estranged relationship. Generally these things follow an episode of atrocious behavior by one of the parties, or they follow a major disagreement that either or both parties are unable to resolve and equally unable to let stand in shared company.
If it's the first kind you are going to appeal to her for some way to connect with that past relationship you had before that horrible incident. Something like, "... I've just been remembering how things were during the good times and grieving for that. Do you think I might visit you sometime for tea and we could talk about him? And... oh I don't want this to come off wrong, but if there are any photographs or mementos from that better period of our relationship, they would mean so much to me."
If your estrangements was more of the latter, philosophical/moral/political disagreement sort of thing, your task becomes easier. Simply tell his wife that you can now see it his way and had been meaning to apologize but always put it off because of the hurt feelings on both sides. Ask if you might stop by to talk about the things he was up to during the last few estranged years. Say you regret not reconciling earlier, then ask if maybe there might be a few old photos or whatnot you might have... and so on...
This technique is a social lever. It gets more done than simply asking nice because it is giving the other person something in return. You give this person some validation (whether or not it's deserved) and then you give her an opportunity to be magnanimous. Even if she legitimately doesn't like you as a person, she may still be inclined to give you a little of what you want if it means you jumping through some hoops for it. If you have anything at all of your dad's that you could part with, mention it as something you think he would want her to have. Whether she accepts it or not, she will feel obligated to return the gesture.
Finally, if she's not willing to part with old photos, she should at least be willing to let you duplicate them. Google makes an android and iOs app called PhotoScan. It walks you through taking 3 or 4 pics of an old photo and then it combines them into a perfect, glare-free picture.
Good luck.
Some of the previous posts have said not to rush contact with your fathers wife, as her feelings may be raw. I might disagree. If there is one thing I have learned might be a 'human constant' is the desire to feel important. You are in a unique position to make use of this. Don't mention wills or inheritance to the step-mom, or to anyone else within the family if it could get back to her. Call her sometime you're pretty sure she'll be at home.
You start with something like, "I'm sorry I haven't reached out to you earlier. I meant to. Tried to. But... you know how difficult things were between dad and me..."
Now... I don't know the whole story of your father's and your estranged relationship. Generally these things follow an episode of atrocious behavior by one of the parties, or they follow a major disagreement that either or both parties are unable to resolve and equally unable to let stand in shared company.
If it's the first kind you are going to appeal to her for some way to connect with that past relationship you had before that horrible incident. Something like, "... I've just been remembering how things were during the good times and grieving for that. Do you think I might visit you sometime for tea and we could talk about him? And... oh I don't want this to come off wrong, but if there are any photographs or mementos from that better period of our relationship, they would mean so much to me."
If your estrangements was more of the latter, philosophical/moral/political disagreement sort of thing, your task becomes easier. Simply tell his wife that you can now see it his way and had been meaning to apologize but always put it off because of the hurt feelings on both sides. Ask if you might stop by to talk about the things he was up to during the last few estranged years. Say you regret not reconciling earlier, then ask if maybe there might be a few old photos or whatnot you might have... and so on...
This technique is a social lever. It gets more done than simply asking nice because it is giving the other person something in return. You give this person some validation (whether or not it's deserved) and then you give her an opportunity to be magnanimous. Even if she legitimately doesn't like you as a person, she may still be inclined to give you a little of what you want if it means you jumping through some hoops for it. If you have anything at all of your dad's that you could part with, mention it as something you think he would want her to have. Whether she accepts it or not, she will feel obligated to return the gesture.
Finally, if she's not willing to part with old photos, she should at least be willing to let you duplicate them. Google makes an android and iOs app called PhotoScan. It walks you through taking 3 or 4 pics of an old photo and then it combines them into a perfect, glare-free picture.
Good luck.